BEEN THERE, DONE THAT!
Other people's stories...
Dec. 27 - Beck says...
"I don't really know why i'm writing to you, i just
feel so alone and mixed up right now and need to let it out to someone
else who knows how i feel... 14 Months ago my brother took his own
life, he was my best friend, we did everything together, he always tried
to protect me from our abusive uncle and he was the only one who ever listened
to me. 6 months ago i tried to join him only to fail, ending up on life
support for 4 weeks, nobody understood why i wanted to be with him again,
some said i was selfish, maybe i am, i don't know but he was my soul mate
and i need him. Anyway because i missed my brother so much i neglected
my little sister who missed him also, i was not there for her and never
listened to her when she said she hates him for screwing up our family
and that she wished it was her who had died. because i never listened to
her she killed herself just yesterday and i just can't do this anymore...
i feel so i don't know what i feel, i know i need to get help, i know all
the right things to do like go to the hospital or whatever but i just don't
want to go on anymore, its just too painful. I want to be with them again
and i just feel dead inside. I want to close my eyes and never wake up
but then i don't want to hurt my mum and dad for a third time. Am
i being selfish by wanting to end this pain, there is nothing left for
me anymore and i just can't go on." (...I
do understand how you feel. Its common to have thoughts of suicide
after a loved one dies, by any means, and it's worse if there is no counseling
after a suicide. You didn't tell me how old you were but I'm thinking
that you are still a teenager, or a young man. This is also a hard
time in a person's life because of all the changes, physically and mentally,
going on inside (and outside) the body. Beck, I don't know
if you will write me back so I'm going to give you my very best advice
right now. You need a spiritual life. A purpose, a reason to
live. Your brother and sister did not have this... they saw no purpose
or reason to be here on the earth. They couldn't see into their future.
They were so depressed that they were walking in a cloud and they couldn't
see the daylight. Go to my webpage called, The
Meaning of Life, and read it thoroughly until you understand it inside
and out. This is the beginning of living for you. Life is not
meant to be so sad. It's a short time to learn, serve, experience,
and love. You must find your purpose and passion for living. (The
Talent page can give you some ideas too.) You and your family
must go to counseling as soon as possible. I recommend that you attend
S.O.S (Survivors of Suicide) meetings or The
Compassionate Friends chapter meetings as often as possible for the
next few months and a private counselor would be good too if your family
can afford it. Look for S.O.S. meetings in the newspaper or call a local
Chaplaincy for details. "...some said i was selfish, maybe
i am" No, that's an uneducated person talking. Suicide attempts
and completed suicide is always a cry for help and an act caused from depression,
anxiety, or other related problems. Fighting depression will
be a hard job for the entire family, but it will become easier for you
and your family, with time, as you find your purpose and understand the
meaning of your life here on earth. I wish I could be there
to give you the hugs and comfort you and your family need right now...
pretend I'm giving you one right now. I wish for you a spirit of
peace, love and understanding as you grieve from the loss of your sister,
and your brother.)
Dec. 26 - WRM says...
"you're story of Jared's life ended abruptly just
as his life must have. I just want to know what went wrong with such
a seemingly happy boy. It sounds much like my brother whom I just
lost to suicide in Oct., 2000." (See answers
Dec. 19 - Sarah says...
"I was looking at your site it is so fantastic. I
couldn't find out why he died and how he died?
could you please tell me. I'm so sorry for your loss.
...I lost a friend in July 2000 i was in such a mess :( everyday
i think about suicide. because i hate my life." (Jared
died by suicide with a gun, a few months after being assaulted inside his
Middle School by a bully. He became depressed, not sleeping well
and was unable to concentrate. He was a mellow kid as it was, so
we had no clue that he was having depression. Jared didn't warn us
about how he was feeling, about wanting to die. That's really the
only thing I'm still upset about, because we would of done anything to
help him if he'd of just asked. Do you think that you might
have depression? One of the "triggers"
of depression is the loss of a loved one or friend. You need to get
some help if you are down all the time, either counseling and prescription
drugs or herbs. Don't let yourself get so far down that you begin
to hate life. Be sure and ask someone to help you... Life is
Dec. 18 - "unknown" says...
"I am 17 years old and on May 21st of 2000 my boyfriend
and best friend of 4 years committed suicide while I was in the next room.
He shot himself in the mouth and died instantly. I had to hear and
then see this. I had to call 911. I just wanted to let you know that
I admire you and that I too have tried to help with suicide prevention.
My boyfriend gave absolutely no indication ever that he had even thought
of something like that. Suicide is claiming more and more people's
life's daily. I even had to drop out of high school because of the
lack of knowledge that is out about suicide, my school refused to
even acknowledge what had happened. I just want to thank you on behalf
of my family and myself for doing and trying to educate people on
suicide and what it does to those left behind..."
(I am so sorry to hear about your loss. This is a trauma that
you can never forget, but time will help you to deal with your grief and
pain. I commend you for working to help others see the importance
of education to prevent suicide. It's unfortunate that schools don't
seem to care much about suicide... the unspoken word. They are scared
that if it's talked about that kids may want to do it, but that's garbage!
Kids need to know if they are depressed and need help. They wander
around not knowing what it is that's making them feel like dying.
They need to be educated so they can get help for depression. All
I can say is GO FOR IT! Get the word out, for your friend, my son,
and others whose lives
you will save by trying.)
Dec 17 - "BadKitty" says...
"i have been suicidal for 4 years and depressed for
as long as i can remember... the #1 reason is FAMILY yes family ...in the
end all we want it to be happy and it hurts...
and later... thank u
for answering my letter you know there is no such thing as a perfect family
every family has problems and most of the time they don't even know it
...a lot of the time its hard 4 us to tell u how we feel. we want
to handle it on r own, we want to be big girls and boys. i know the last
time i tried to slit my wrist i want to stop but couldn't and i call and
called for my mommy but she couldn't hear me and so never came and after
a 1/2 hour of calling i gave up and just then she walks in to put my clothes
up and sees me and do u know what the first thing she does is ...she slaps
me and says not again. never once did she kiss me or hug me or tell me
i love u or say it will all be ok. no see this is what we fear and 4 me
i will never trust her again..." (Yes, family
is definitely a factor of depression, especially if no one seems to care
about helping you. It makes me sad to hear about how your mother
has treated you. I wish you had a better family life... I hope you can
find an adult somewhere who will take the time to listen to you and give
you the love, attention and care you deserve.)
Dec 15 - Angela says...
"...My father committed Suicide on January 7, 1988.
I have suffered in silence since that time. I am 30 now and keep having
dreams that people are coming to me and asking me questions about what
time Fred ( my dad ) shot himself and then what time he died. This year
I have went through some major depression. I finally went to his
grave this year on Thanksgiving day. I have never went- my family has been
destroyed by this and we don't even talk to each other. Prior to
my dad's suicide, my mother left with his best friend - left me in a hotel
room- I was the last one to see him in my immediate family. ...I need some
help dealing with all this. --I started counseling for a brief period my
therapist was overbooked and I got frustrated I needed to be talk to her
for more than once a month. She did say she thought I suffered from
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder but did not offer any suggestions
on what to do about it. ...I am determined to help others so Fred's
death is not in vain. I must first help my self------ and because
you have been able to do this- I thought you could give me some insight."
years is a long time to suffer in silence but I believe that you are beginning
to vent all your grief, something that should of been done long ago.
It's better to get the grieving over right after a tragedy happens, but
when people clam up and set "it" aside and refuse to talk about the pain
it can go on for years, or in your case surface after a very long time.
You can know when the healing begins to take place, because the blame subsides
and forgiveness comes into your life. It can be a long journey for
some people. ...Also, have you checked out The
Compassionate friends? They are everywhere and they have group
meetings that might be helpful to you.)
Dec. 14 - Caitlin says...
"...i've e-mailed you before about my cousin who tried
to slit her wrists and I just found out that she took 11 pills of ritalin
the other day and is now in another hospital in Queens, NY. I am
so concerned about her b/c she hated her psychiatrist and he gave up on
her and she promised me that she wouldn't do this to herself anymore and
I just don't know what to do for her... I cant control it and that hurts
me so much-- do you have any advice? Do you know if ritalin can kill
a person or why a person would take 11 of them...? ...Thank you for all
of your help and advice... it is very much appreciated... :o)" (I
don't know much about ritalin but I would imagine that any drug can kill
if too much is taken. I think it would be wise for her parents to
lock up all these drugs and disperse them to her personally everyday.
But, that won't stop her from finding something else to harm herself if
she really wants to. This violence against herself has to be stopped
inside her brain. It's a psychological problem and she needs to want
to get better. All you can do is give her unconditional love and
keep encouraging her to get some help.)
Dec. 9 - Melissa says...
"...i am 12 years old and live in midland tx.
for the last 2 years i have had thoughts of suicide. they come and go on
and on but sometimes never go away until the next day. i try @ least 3-5
times a week. i have talked 2 friends about it but really nobody
believes me which makes me mad and want 2 do it more. i feel as though
i don't belong here. i am wanting 2 let other teens older and younger 2
know about this problem and try 2 help them. your web page really got 2
me and i want 2 help also. i was wondering if u could give me some information
on how 2 do a website [etc]" (Your friends just
don't understand depression, so don't get too upset with them. Even
we didn't know that Jared was depressed, ...most adults don't understand
it either. Yeah, you are meant to be here on earth... it's your job
to find out why, and there are zillions of good reasons. Life is
wonderful when you have your meaning
and purpose for living.)
Dec. 8 - Tara says...
"I lost my 26 year old brother, Paul, to suicide on
December 24, 1998. Thank you for your lovely site. You've inspired
me to do the same thing for my brother." (That's
wonderful that you would honor your brother with a website. The one
great blessing I have received from doing this website is healing.
By talking with others, such as you, I've been able to come to terms with
my loss much quicker than if I had not done JaredStory.com.
Let me know when your site is done. I would like to pay a visit.)
Dec. 8 - Sharon says...
"I really enjoyed your web site a great deal.
Thanks for writing it. We have lost two of our family to suicide
this past summer. They were both thirty-four. One was my sister
in law. The other was my nephew. Though they were three days apart
the deaths were not related. I have really been hurting over
it all. ...I would like more information on the TCF organization
for my sister if you could locate more. She lives near San Bernardino in
California. I live in San Diego... she could come here to go also
if that is more available. (Your family has had
more than a fair share of grief to go through. I hope you begin to
heal soon, but I know this is a lifelong process... day by day. The
Compassionate Friends, TCR, have Chapters all over the country and
I'm sure they would have several to pick from in your large communities.
The National Office phone number is 877-969-0010. Also, the Friend
For Survival group is based in Sacramento CA and their phone number is
916-392-0664. Both of these groups put out a small newsletter
that has some really comforting articles and information for meetings around
the country. Going to these type of meetings are really good
for self emotional healing. They help you to talk out your feelings,
and listening to other stories will help you to see that you are not alone.)
Dec. 7 - Abby says...
"Hey! Well I am doing this research
paper about teen suicide. The whole thing started is cause we were sitting
in class and people were making fun of other people. I stood up and said
in front of the class "You guys shouldn't be making fun of people, you
don't really know what they go threw." Because I do know that some people
commit suicide because of it... Do you have any research or websites
about it (suicide)? ...Well I better get back to researching..."
are a very brave person to take a stand as you did in front of your class.
That tells me that you are a leader, not a follower, and you will make
a difference in this world. Go get that A!!!)
I had a friend that died over drugs. She was at her house and she took
a pill, and I don't know if she knew what it was. But she took it. Her
brother was asleep on the couch and
she kept on saying *Adam get
up and, he wouldn't wake up. 2 hours later he woke up and saw her laying
on the floor. He kept on saying *Michelle wake up please please wake up.
She wouldn't wake up and she had Blood and foam running down her mouth.
She was my best friend in the whole wide world. Not a day does not
go by that I don't think of her. I miss her sooo.... much!!!"
Dec. 5 - Tameria says...
"I just wanted to tell you that
I really love this site. My 13 year old son Ryan recently took his
own life here at home (Friday, Oct. 27, 2000). My heart goes out
to you. I just wanted to say that I have seen many memorial sites
over the last three weeks and this is the best site. I am more than
certain that Jared can see what you have done in his memory and feels your
eternal love even at this moment." (Memorial
website for Ryan at www.crocushill.com/ryan)
Dec. 2 - Suzy says...
"...I cannot imagine your loss but I thank you for
your courage to print all that you did. I have been on both sides
of the spectrum more times than I would like to remember. I was lucky
enough that it was always only 'attempts'. The reason I discovered
your webpage is because I am directing at a local high school. I
am 20 years old, I have attempted suicide about 3 times. I had an
older brother who attempted three times as well. My father had lost
a brother and a sister to suicide. I remember when I was eight I
promised my parents I never would after I saw the hurt my brother's attempt
did to the family and the fear in his eyes. ...I am much better.
So is my brother. He is actually a minister now. Myself I am
studying theater and religion to be a youth minister. I figure if
God can save me He had a purpose, perhaps it is to share the other side
of the story. I am currently a youth leader helping a teenager whose
mother is always on the brink of suicide. I don't think I would know
how to act had I never gone through the emotional turmoil I did.
Oh the reason my directing has to do with your webpage is that the play
is a one act about suicide. It is a play I would like for it to tour
the community to get the message out about how serious and real suicide
is in today's times. I was going to focus on high schools but your
webpage made me open my eyes. So I thank you for your in depth story
and your strength to help so many. God bless you. You, Jared,
and the rest of your family are truly in my prayers.
(What a nice letter! You are not only taking command of your
life but you are helping others to do the same. Service is what life
is all about and your type of service can save lives. I think
doing a play is wonderful. Please don't hold back. Put all
the grief and horror of losing a loved one by suicide into your play so
that young people can know how bad it hurts those left behind. Remember
what you said your father felt, and put it into your play. ...Keep
me posted on how well your play goes. I wish you well in your ministry.)
Dec. 1 - "Dragon" says...
"my girlfriend was murdered and died in my arms i
can't live without her and tried to hang myself prior to writing you this
letter i need your help please" (What can I do
to help you? How long ago did this happen and have you received any
counseling or gotten help from anyone? There are a million reasons
to live... will you try to help yourself to find one good one?) ...Dragon
did not return my email
Dec. 1 - "JuicyGurl" says...
"Um I just want to know if you can give me some advise.
I don't expect you to answer me but I was kicked out of an private
school ...because of suicide I was under stress and when they found out
that they treated me like a criminal Like I was crazy, ...do you
think it was right for them to just kick me out with no help I mean I feel
like I am a criminal they won't let me back in Public school because of
that... (No, you aren't crazy. Private schools
can do anything they want, for just about any reason they want. About
the only thing you can do is appeal to the ownership or board of the school,
and still, there are no guarantees. Public schools are much different.
They must show just cause for refusing you entrance into school.
Have you ever been diagnosed with depression or treated for depression
or anxiety? They do not have the right to discriminate against you if you
have a diagnosed condition under the American's with Disabilities Act.
But, you must be making an effort to get better too. It goes both
ways. ...I wish you well, and keep your chin up. These hard
times in life are only temporary and in due time they will become the memories
of the past. Never give up on yourself!)
and later... Thank you
for writing me back I just feel alone and it feels good that someone said
I am not crazy and I will print it out. I do like your web page and I have
emailed to my friends. I almost lost my friend to that. Thanks you for
everything :) It has made me feel better."
Keep the BALANCE
in your life!
The diagnosis and treatment
of depression and other psychiatric disorders requires trained medical
professionals. The information provided above is to be used for educational
purposes only. It should NOT be used as a substitute for seeking
professional care for the diagnosis and treatment of any mental/psychiatric
disorders. The books are recommended as a reference, not as medical
There, Done That'
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Meaning of Life
Jared's Sister says: