Suicide  Bullying  depression


Emails from people who have "been there, done that" - they have lost someone to suicide, have thought of, or are

thinking about suicide. Emails from people enduring, or have endured bullying or have suffered from depression.

Other people's stories...  JANUARY 2001

Jan. 29 - Emily says...
"...i am 13 years old. i deal with slipping in and out of depression constantly it seems.  i've tried suicide once and i may try it again, but your site moved me to tears. i never really thought of all the pain that i might cause people if i were to go... that somehow changes things.... it doesn't stop the feelings of sadness, but it kinda inspires me to keep going, even though i don't want to subject myself to the pain i've been going through. but it inspires me to keep going, so as not to hurt the ones i really love, and the ones that really love me.  i suffer from a lot of pain that i've built up over the years. i relate to your son, i guess, cause i never really tell anyone about what i'm thinking about. i hint about it with one of my most trusted friends, but i've never really been brave enough to tell her about what i'm really thinking.  i don't think the true victims, the people left behind, realize how much braveness and pride play a roll in telling people about their problems. Cause it takes a lot of courage to speak up and be honest about feelings like this. And sometimes, some people just have to much pride to let people know how much they hurt inside. Some people are too weak to admit that they aren't strong. it's kinda scary to think about, ...i'd just like to say to you though, that all of the qualities i just spoke about, u obviously have.  Brave, to be able to get up each morning and face the day ahead, which it especially mattered directly after the loss of your son....  Pride, not to be ashamed of your son, as I've seen happen to many parents-- they get depressed about what their kid did, and just don't want to talk about it-- as if they're embarrassed by the 'sin' their kid has done. I think it's only a sin if they didn't do what they were put here to do- make someone's life better. and definitely Strength- to be able to discuss what happened to your son, and help people like me and the other's who have visited your page...." (I'm glad that my website has helped you to think about things, and people who are important to you.  When Jared died our whole family was totally devastated.  Jared never asked us for help or warned us about what he was planning to do.  If he had only asked.... we would of done anything to save him from dying.  That's why you need to talk to someone Emily.  Don't leave them wondering why you didn't ask for help.  I know that's hard for teenagers to do but you don't really want to have depression all your life and be sad.  There are all kinds of ways to help the sadness go away and be happy again but you need to talk to an adult who can help you.  That may mean taking prescriptions, or herbs and maybe seeing a counselor, but it will be worth it in the long run.  There's a book called, The Aladdin Factor, that you might enjoy reading someday.  It encourages it's reader to ASK for what you want in life.  If you read this book it will give you some courage to talk to others about your needs.  I loved this book!   Do you know what "triggered"  your depression?  Jared's was an assault inside his Middle School by a bully.  If you know what caused you to be depressed in the first place maybe a good counseling session will help you feel better...)

Jan. 29 - Connie says...
"Hi I think i may have talked to you in Feb. 2000 when my son Jason committed suicide  I am trying to find someone near my son help him cope with the loss.  ...lives in  Vancouver Wash .   Do you have a group there or support for grief?" The Compassionate Friends meets on the first Tuesday at 7:00 PM  -  I wish you God's Peace during this sad time.

Jan. 24 - Herrmann says...
"I live an unlikely life.  I was born into a great, loving Catholic family.  Not one of my relatives has ever been divorced.  My father is vice president of a manufacturing company, and my mother is an executive in fiber optics. In school I always had a very easy time making friends, always excelled at sports and academics.  In high school I lettered in football, soccer, wrestling (which I was the captain), concert choir, and graduated number one in my class of 300.  I am now Pre-Med and receiving a 4.0 in college.  The unlikely part?  Suicide had been a thought in my mind for years.  I also several times went so far as to prepare to hang myself, starting at the age of around 12-13.  As I look back on my accomplishments, I can't comprehend how this scenario could ever be a possibility in my mind.  I have always wanted to be MORE successful, and MORE important.  I've also always felt a constant pressure to find a meaning to my life, which led me to Jared's story.  I have come to determine that I solely want to help other people.  No matter where I go, I want to make a difference in every person's life.  I think my greatest fear in life... is not being remembered.  Now for an unbelievable stroke of irony... I questioned whether or not to include this... but felt it was TOO coincidental.  I just had my list of songs playing on my computer, and as I was typing, I heard the words, "Suicide is painless," which I've never heard before.  I come to find out it was the theme song to MASH, but I must've never listened to the lyrics before.  I honestly don't know what I felt writing this would do for me... maybe just the fact that it can happen to ANYONE.  ...Be the reason the someone smiles today.  You might be the ONE person that can bring joy into a certain person's life one day.  You might be the ONE person that can end up saving a person's life today." (You never once used the word depression, but it's obvious that you've been plagued with this problem for a very long time.  Depression can strike at anyone, and at any age and in most cases there's a "trigger" of some kind.  Jared's depression was triggered from an assault inside his Middle School by a bully.  Take the pressure off yourself... don't worry about being remembered by the world.  Work so that God will remember you and the world will follow.  If you desire to help your fellow man and serve them than you will be in the service of God.  And, if you are studying to be a Doctor you will have a full life of service.  ...Relish life, notice everything, taste, smell, touch the world's wonders and you will awaken again to everything that's really important and see the joy around you everyday.)

Jan. 24 - James says...
"...I am 21 years old. I have two stories really.  First of all I am a survivor of my forty-two year old mothers suicide. My mother's father committed suicide when she was 18 years old. She was a manic depressant most of her short life, and was severely wounded by her fathers abandonment. We promised each other through the years to never come to what her father did. I have held up my part (so far), but since she died in Sept. of 2000, I have been feeling an array of self pity. My mother slept a lot, but when I found her that Sunday morning, I knew she wasn't getting up. I feel so aggravated that I can't find a person that relates. But then again I haven't wanted to ask b/c it is a tough issue for most.   Second, My life took a positive turn this year when I moved to Ft. Lauderdale, Fl. Friends of my Moms are letting me stay with them while they pay for my schooling at a local Community College. I have so many people that love and care for me deeply. I have a great job, and a great girlfriend too. I shouldn't have much to complain about, right? Again, I have a tremendous lack of positive thoughts. And I don't want to let this thing get me like my Mom. This is the first time I have really looked at how much I have going for me. I was wandering if someone could give me a number to a SOS group. If not, a response would be greatly appreciated.
and later... I talked to a therapist yesterday and she said, "put a rubber band around your wrist and every time you have a negative thought about your Mom, snap it!" Just wanted to share that even if you might have heard it before." (It's totally natural to have grief and depression for months after someone you love dies.  It sounds like depression has been a problem in your family so you will need to be diligent all your life to keep it under control.  It's not hard to do if you are aware of the triggers that bring on an episode and take the necessary steps to keep it from controlling you.  It's like a diabetic who learns to feel the insulin low.   ...I would suggest that you keep a VERY positive book by your side and when you start to think the sad thoughts that you force yourself to read for awhile.  If you question the spiritual nature of things, be sure and pick up a book about Life After Death.  This can bring you some much needed peace, knowing that your mother is in our Heavenly Father's loving arms.   Look up a local Chaplaincy in your area and give them a call.  In our area S.O.S (Survivors of Suicide) works out of the Chaplaincy and Hospice House and doesn't cost anything to attend.  We went several times for counseling and it really helped a lot. ...Life goes forward, and though we will never forget those we love or stop the healing process we can still see the joy around us everyday.  ...I'm glad you are talking to a therapist because their job is to help and serve others;  good people.)

Jan. 22 - Bazan says...
"My 92 year old grandfather committed suicide last Tuesday in our home, my 14 year old daughter and I found him. It is still hard to take the picture out of my head and all the questions and all the ifs. I cannot imagine what you went through with your son, but after reading you web page I know that time will heal our hearts and I only pray that he can erase that last picture of my papa." (We never hear much about the elderly dying by suicide... but we know it's happening a lot more nowadays.  Be sure and get some counseling for your 14 year old.  That's a bad age to have such a traumatic event.  It will take time for that visual wound to heal, but it will in time.  My husband found Jared and it took awhile before he could sleep well.  I would recommend some spiritual counseling, a Bishop, Pastor, Minister, Priest... to help your daughter deal with changing her vision of death into a vision of afterlife.  These thoughts have helped us to deal with Jared's loss.   There is a group called S.O.S. (Survivors of Suicide) in most towns. You might see if there is one in your community and attend the counseling sessions.  Do not try to push this suicide out of your life.  It happened and it must be faced head on.  The people who are the slowest to deal with their grief are the ones who have the hardest time later in life.  I wish your family well as you go through your healing journey.)

Jan. 22 - "Scooze" says...
"i ran across your site and it hit me really hard.  i too suffer from manic depression and bipolar disorder with also many signs of borderline personality disorder.  i've received professional help through psychiatrist and psychologist on a bi-weekly basis for about a year but i terminated the sessions about 8 months ago.  i felt is was a waste of time and money.  needless to say- i'm still alive.  ...not knowing where i would spend eternity is the ONLY thing that keeps me alive.  it's not necessarily that i firmly believe the worst fate-  i guess it's not worth it to me to take the chance.   ...I just had my 26th birthday and i've been responsible for my actions (in God's eyes) for quite some time..." (...Because your conscience is strong and you understand that suicide is not right you have stayed alive.  Depression is your real enemy and I hope that you will be able to fight with all your heart to get it out of your life.  When that happens you will really begin to get the happiness you deserve...)

Jan. 18 - "LyRi" says...
"hi i am so very worried about my girlfriend. she is having suicidal thoughts and i want to stop her before she does something crazy.  she is very depressed all the time because her family treats her bad tells her she's not gonna be anything, her brother steals from her, she's having problems keeping up in school, her job won't give her any hours and she wants to have fun her senior year but her mom won't help her in any way. she's always cryin and telling me she doesn't care anymore and she doesn't want to live. i love my girl friend so much and i want to marry her and i can help her with a lot of her problems but she won't let me. please give me some advice ASAP.... thank you!" (Is there anyone at school that you can go talk to about what is happening to your girlfriend?  She needs an adult to care about her problems and arrange for some free counseling.  She probably needs to be on some medication too, at least until she can work through her dysfunctional family problems.  There are some natural herbs that she could try too, like St. John's Wort of SAM-e.   The problem is... if your girlfriend doesn't want help, it will be hard for her acknowledge that things need to change for her to feel better.  She must want to get help.  Until she wants help, all you can do is reassure her that you care about her and love her. ...A good hug and encouraging words can be of more value than a nugget of gold for someone who is depressed.  Do not give up at encouraging her to get the professional help she needs.  What a wonderful boyfriend you are to care so much about this girl...)

Jan. 14 - Kimberly says...
"I emailed you a few times when my friend Scott committed suicide. I would like to say something about being there done that. If you don't mind. "Hi. My name is Kimberly. Just after the suicide / depression death of a close friend, I came here and got a lot of support from Brenda (jared's mom). I never got to thank her enough for her help. The death of Scott, really shocked me and my school. The day he died, I was going to commit suicide. School and my family wasn't very good and I just wanted to die. I got to school in the morning and sadly heard of the death and the thought exited my head, right at that second. I saw my school go from happiness to utter and uncontrollable grief. I gave out my help to anyone.  We all formed together as friends and gave each other help. Sadly, he died at the age of 18. The one year anniversary is soon coming up and I can't even imagine what's going to happen. A lot of us still remember him by his favorite cartoon character, Tigger from Winnie the Pooh. I carry a Tigger toy around with me practically everywhere I go. It's just a monument of him. After Scott, Matt, Julie, and Johnny all tried to commit suicide. A lot of my friends are suicide survivors. It's really sad to hear some of the stories sometimes. I just wish I could share my story with more people. Just remember, that things to do get better, day by day. " (You have made good things come from tragedy.  I am very proud of you.  I would be very curious to see what your Major in College will be or what wonderful things will happen to you in the future because of the growth you have had this past year.  I'm sure you will be very blessed.)

Jan. 14 - Hayley says...
"I am a 13 year old teenage girl from Ontario, Canada.  I am in grade 8 and have been given an assignment to do for english on Teen Issues.  Teenage Suicide was the topic I chose because I thought it was the one that suited me most considering I have attempted it twice.    ...What really happened to Jared?  I don't really know all the story but maybe in a small way I can relate to him.  I am popular and pretty, I have a good house, good parents and two sisters, ...I have a boyfriend I love and I am glad I have him now.  Although I am insecure and feel as though I can't really trust anyone.  Did you suspect anything from Jared?  From his actions?  Did you know he was going to do it? ...My parents don't know.  They are both closer with my old and younger sister, therefore I feel there is no room for me.  The main reason I didn't commit suicide was because I was afraid, afraid everyone would forget and just not care.  I'm not perfect. No one is.  What teenagers think about these days and do is crazy.  ...Teenage Suicide...  I want to make a point across in good strong words that it is not the right thing to do..." (The best way to have your parents pay some attention to you is to have a nice long talk with them.  The kid in the middle does get ignored more than the others, but it's up to you to tell them how you feel.  Jared never gave us any warning and never told us how he felt.  I'm still hurt about that.  I know that he knew he was loved but depression will take all common sense away.  It was depression that killed him.  ...Also be sure and check out some of the articles in the About Suicide Page  for some facts on suicide.  There's plenty of reading but these articles will help you get your A.)

Jan. 10 - Rena says...
"I read what you had written at  Those were all such wonder suggestions.  I don't really have any suggestions at the present time, but if I think of any, I will be glad to share them with you.  How old was Jared when he died?  ...I had an adopted son, at 19 he killed himself, this happened Dec. 2, 2000 and the pain is still so great, that it is hard to function at times.  Not only that, but his death has affected all of my children ages 22, 21, 18, and 12, then the other adopted ones from ages 18-25.  I need any help or advice on how to deal with the grief.
and later... wrote, "Rena, about the only thing you can do to help your family come together after this suicide is to sit with your family and have open and honest communication about what happened to your 19 year old son.  The only rule is not to accuse or blame anyone in the group for your son's actions.  I suggest that depression and it's causes might be a topic and religious feelings."  I have been trying for over 20 years to get my family together nightly for Bible reading and Prayer and for some reason, I can never get my husband to take that leadership. So I know on the issue of Joby's death that I will be the one that has to get everybody together.  We haven't really gotten together in a group session so to speak since Joby's suicide but I have spent time alone with each one of the children and let them vent and express their feelings about it.  ...Thank you for that word of wisdom and advice.  I will try and see if I can get them to do that.  Another wonderful bit of information you gave me was,  "Everyone should be asked daily, "How are you REALLY feeling today, are you okay... do you want to talk?"  These questions should be asked until the person says not to ask anymore."  My oldest son has two different types of seizure disorders.  One is caused by stress, so I try not to do anything that will cause him a lot of stress. ...I reassure him every day that I love him and I hug him and tell him how important he is to me and to our family.  At the present he is very depressed and has had suicidal thoughts.  He is seeing a Psychiatrist...  Dealing with grief is not easy and sometimes it really helps to have someone to talk to.   (Jared was 13 years and six days old when died.)

Jan. 6 - "Tweetie" says...
"I am so sorry to hear about Jared.  ...My very best friend tried to commit suicide. I went in and told on her. Did I do the right thing? Cause I think I did..." (Yes, you did the right thing!  How can your best friend get help if no one knows she needs it? Trying to die by suicide is a cry for help.  If your friend is mad at you now... later she will appreciate that you cared enough to get help.  Your friend is lucky to have you as her friend, not everyone is so blessed.)

Jan. 6 - Jeanette says...
"My dad killed himself few months ago, i am 16 years old, he killed himself about a month before my B-day.  I am having a lot of mixed feelings about it, because he left my mom, my little sister (a baby) and me when i was 8.  i have always had issues with him, but i always planned one day to talk to him, and really tell him how i felt, how ashamed and mad i was about him.  But i never really did because i was afraid that he would get more depressed than he all ready was and then my little sister would miss out on having him around.  And now i am very mad at him, and i wish that i had told him about it before, but then i think about my sister, and get all frustrated again.  It is so odd, because he was such a good-for-nothing slacker, but i still loved him, and now that he is gone, i seem to really realize how much he really meant to me.  He never got to see me drive.  He was always talking about it.  There are so many unfinished things he was going to do.  Everywhere i looked i think of him..." (I'm sorry to hear about your dad.  Even though you have some strong feelings about your dad, you will still need to go through a normal grieving process that everyone has to after death has occurred.  Sometimes there is blame and regrets and anger.  This is normal.  We were also mad at Jared for awhile after he died.  I still have feelings of sadness when I remember that he didn't come and ask us for help before he took his life.   Your dad was old enough to make his own choices in life. Some choices (like leaving your mom) hurt you and made you angry, but ...he had a right to make his own mistakes.  Suicide isn't always a clear choice for people because depression is a sickness that clouds the brain and makes good choices and common sense hard to come by.  ...You are so young and have such a wonderful life ahead of you.  It's okay to think of you dad and talk to him in your mind as you go through your day to day life.  I kinda have a feeling that he can see that you are driving now...)

Jan. 1 - Kendell says...
"Excellent web page.  I was searching the net under suicide and came across JAREDSTORY.  I thought of another Jared who committed suicide.  My Jared committed suicide about 2 years ago.  I quickly scanned your page and clicked on ABOUT THE AUTHOR.  We have very similar profiles.  I have read all the books you suggested and found it the only way for answers and peace..."


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SEPT 2000  -  SEPT-OCT 2000  - AUG 2000  -  JULY 2000  -  JUNE-AUG 2000  -  JUNE 2000  -  MAY 2000

APRIL 2000  -  MAR 2000  -  JAN-FEB 2000  -  OCT-DEC 1999  -  AUG-SEPT 1999  -  JAN-JULY 1999



Food Therapy for Depression

What Depression is and it's causes

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Kasey's Mom talks about Depression

Solutions for Sugar Sensitivity - Can eating a Potato help depression?

Seizure-Stopping Device may help Depression


Moms Speak Out!

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Bullycide in America

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"What is Depression?"


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"Bullycide in America",

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facing millions of

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About Depression

'Been There, Done That'

Jared's Life

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The diagnosis and treatment of depression and other psychiatric disorders requires trained medical professionals.  The information provided above is to be used for educational purposes only.  It should NOT be used as a substitute for seeking professional care for the diagnosis and treatment of any mental/psychiatric disorders.  The books are recommended as a reference, not as medical advice.