Email from people who have been through, thought of, or are thinking about suicide, bullying, or depression.
In memory of
Jared High
..
SUICIDE...  BULLYING...  DEPRESSION...
BEEN THERE, DONE THAT!
Other people's stories...  JULY 2000

July 28 - Lu says...
"I suffer with the contemplation of suicide...  I am so sorry for the loss of your son, but just know that he loved you and didn't want to disappoint you... I was searching for help when I ran across your site, I was getting so frustrated because there is very little understanding. I thank you for yours!! Just maybe his death has helped some of us cope, maybe just for one more day, or maybe changed some lives for the long road ahead. My heart goes to you as to my own family at this moment !"

July 24 - Raj says...
"Man is killing themselves we were given a earth but yet have no proof of why we live, and what the very  essence of our existence is. No one knows what i mean they all think i'm a freak... We kill ourselves for nothing. we know nothing.  we are nothing. Life is nothing."
(I disagree - Check out The Meaning of Life section in JaredStory.com)

July 24 - 'Bob' says...
"Im not sure if there is any one will answer me, or what, but im just going to write... About 2 months ago I was raped. I reported it to the police, got tested and did all the "right" stuff. Since then, I moved away from home, so I didn't have to face my friends at school, or even see the guy around town (he doesn't go to my school, but he lives within blocked of my house). I am only 16 and he is 18, so this meant it was even more serious.... I've been to numerous counselors, and they really seem to help me but only for that day, the next day im depressed all over again.  Just recently I've started smoking, I often ask myself why I think im addicted already! It just grosses me out! I can't stand the smell of smoke! And both my grandparents are about to die from cancer... My dad is an alcoholic so that doesn't help... My parents have been divorced since I was 2.... and ever since then both sides of the family talk crap about each other. I don't know who to believe or who to trust. I feel like I can't trust a single person in my life!!! Especially after what happen!!! I have never admitted this to anyone (not even my counselors, out of fear), but I often feel like killing myself. I'm scared to tell anyone because I don't want my parents to know.... I don't want them to think I'm a psycho or something. I have never told a counselor because I know by law they have to tell... Nothing makes me happy anymore. I'm always depressed!! I feel like I have nothing to live for.  It's sort of ironic I wanted to study psychology in college, I've even been motivated to start an on-line web site like this one.... to help people. I feel like it's easier for me to help others than for me to help myself. I try to push my problems aside in doing so. I'm just so overwhelmed!!!  Please, I need help!!! I have no where to go, no one to trust!!!!!" (My letter to 'Bob' was extensive... you'll have to wait for the book. ;>))

July 24 - 'WackY' says...
"...Sometimes is seems like it's the only way out, I know your son felt that way.  When you think about it, it's almost always that you think about it ...trying to impress someone.  That was how it was, but I know it's just like ending a terrible problem that looks like my craptastic life.  It's like I've run out of all other ideas, it's summer time now and no one wants to hang out, it's like I can't leave my house, and it's not all I can think about, but it's a possibility.  I'm just about positive I wouldn't do it, since all don't hear is you have so much to live for, no ones stopping me but me, and I sure I won't do it.  I'm sorry that your kid died, I used to get bullied a little ...I started saying really weird things now people just think I'm nuts, and for some reason I love that attention.  So that helps a little."

July 23 - Megan says...
"hello i am 14 and i have tried to commit suicide about 12 times.  i have major depression problems. i was diagnosed with having bipolar/manic depression and being schizophrenia. my birthday is next month. i still think about suicide and i am mostly always depressed. i love animals and they are all i have. i love cats like jared. i have 2 of them and i want a kitten. my cats are the reason why i haven't really succeeded with suicide. i had a loaded gun up to my head ready to go and then my cat walked up to me and started crying and purring. i fell to my knees and i took the bullet out of the gun. the only thing is... what if she doesn't save me the next time.  i need help and my mother really doesn't understand. she tries but she is not enough. i have been threw therapy and i have even been locked up in mental hospitals 6 times
before.
and later... uh my depression started i would say in 6th grade. i was very badly mentally
abused by my father... also physically.  he has depression problems too. now him and my mother are divorced and i have him out of my life. my grandma died about 2 months ago. she was schizophrenia.  i have already read the teen epidemic. thanks for your help. please keep in touch"

July 21 - 'Sweet' says...
"i was wondering if you know any places where somebody could get help professional help? for depression. could u give me some numbers? please? (Tons of resources on About Suicide page)
and later... i was just wondering, i know i don't know you at all, but if it was all right if i emailed you if i have any problems? because i don't have anyone else i can talk too, but i totally would understand if you preferred me not to, especially since i don't know, you just seem really nice though, oh well that's all i wanted to say, buh bye"  (anytime)

July 20 - Katherine says...
"I HAVE TRIED TO COMMIT SUICIDE 3 TIMES.. I AM DEPRESSED AND I HAVE MANY FAMILY PROBLEMS.. AND I AM A "CUTTER"( SELF -INJURY)  AND NONE OF MY FAMILY KNOWS.. JUST A FEW CLOSE FRIENDS WHO WERE THE ONES WHO SAVED ME FROM DYING. I HAVE BEEN LOOKING UP THINGS ABOUT THIS ON THE INTERNET.. AND I NEED HELP BUT THERE IS NO WAY I CAN TELL MY PARENTS.. CUS OF THE PROBLEMS THEY HAVE ALREADY.. ANY ADVICE???
and later... well thank you for your advise and everything.. i have been talking to a online councilor and she has helped me a lot... i will write you later and tell you how things are going.. thanks bunches!"

July 20 - KK says...
"I'm very sorry to hear about your son.  I have once tried to kill myself.  I'm now 16 and I still have those thoughts very often.  My grandma died 1 year ago and I was very upset.  Once I calmed down 4 months ago my friend since I was 3 died and they don't know how I was very torn up by that and I was going to kill myself but, an x-boyfriend came over at 2:00 in the morning and talked to me.  I was finally doing ok.  Now its the summer and I just got back from the hospital b/c my best friend who is a guy is very sick and his chances aren't very good.  ...My friends send me letters and tell me to keep my chin up, but if Clayton goes, I go.
and later...  I had suicide thoughts before my grandma died.  I will not go to a doctor about being depressed b/c of my family situations.  Well, I haven't thought of suicide for a while but, I have been drinking more than I should.  PS- all my friends are having sex and I don't wanna b/c I wasn't brought up that way, I'm a popular girl in school but, it seems that me not having sex is making me very unpopular very fast.  The only one friend who stands behind me on this is my best friend since we were 4 and she won't either.  We keep telling ourselves that it will all pay off.  Well, will it? (In my opinion, it will pay off, particularly in the emotional sense)

July 20 - Dee says...
"Why did Jared kill him self...? I really didn't get the part... I would like to know the whole story... ...Because i've been feeling down... and when i tell my closest friends I want to kill my self... it's like I'm talking to a wall... They don't understand the way I feel... They think it's all for attention... that's why I think I should just give up and stop trying... it's doesn't seem to matter ...because all they say is it's going to hurt everyone around me... but what about me ...I'm not being selfish.. just straight forward...  (Someday the whole story about WHY Jared died by suicide will be published in JaredStory.com, but for now, I can only say that Jared was triggered into depression by an assault by a bully inside his Middle School)
and later...  Sometimes... I think my problems are not even problems... And I could live with
it because... I'm well assured on knowing that everything happens for a reason... And when u avoid hurting your self out of not understanding you could appreciate the better things in life ... that you'd probably miss day by day... See my birthday was last week... And I didn't get a thing... I'm not worried though cause I know we're having trouble with money ... because my brothers going to college and my Mom is pregnant... that's why I haven't gotten really mad at my parents... I've just been feeling like I'm being ignored... Every time I ask for something I get denied... ...They say I want attention... What if I should get rid of my life to show them ... that I don't want attention... huh?  I'm a 15 year old girl.. who gets good grades in school ... I feel so good telling you about my life... i wish I could tell u more... I do have a lot of things I'm confused about..."

July 19 - Charlie says...
"hi 'mom' i just want you to know i am deeply sorry about your son's death even though it was awhile back. i used to have thoughts about suicide and when it comes to reality i would never have the guts to kill myself.  seeing your website makes me realize i would just hurt people by killing myself and the problems weren't major enough to commit suicide in the first place.  this website made me shake and cry like crazy. i just want to say thank you and im sorry. have a great life" :)

July 18 - ? says...
"Hi, I was curious... I feel kinda down lately. My house burned down (trigger) 2 years ago, 4 family members have died (trigger) (separate to the fire). I don't do anything with friends... (depression) I don't leave my house... (depression) I don't go to the pool anymore, (depression) ever.  Are these symptoms of depression? Or is it something else? ...I'm 16" (Yes, these are triggers and symptoms of depression!)

July 17 - Bridget says...
"i found your page and im very very touched...  all of my life i wanted someone to love, someone who would love me back... i never thought i would find this... my boyfriend right now is wonderful, he is all i ever wanted and needed... except that he is very very suicidal. he is 19 and lives alone in an apartment, has job and money problem, and no motivation and will to live. he will be fine for a few weeks, then he will get in a mood for 2-3 days about every 3 weeks where he will tell me he is going to kill himself. right now he is in one of these moods. there is always something that sets him off, and then no matter what i do or say for 3 days straight he wont listen. then something sill happen and he will be fine again. ...i have done everything i can for him and with me going away to school in a month and him living alone never eating and chain smoking all day dwelling on things, getting problems from his parents and not seeing his friends because they are too far away... im scared. ...i love him so much he is my soul mate and i could not live without him- i don't know what to do.  i already lost my mom when i was 10 to careless behavior. (she didn't kill herself, but she took pain killers too freely and they got to her liver one day and i came home and she was gone, just like that.) i don't know how i survived that but i did. what can i do? people say that when people talk about suicide they wont do it ...usually they just maybe tell someone then do it, not drag it out for months as if looking for help.  i give him more help then anyone could give a person and he still wont listen, what more does he want from me? does he really want to die?"

July 15 - Amy says...
"...i am 15 years old and my seems to be falling apart... my parents got divorced about a year ago and it turns out that my dad had an affair with several people and the most recent before the divorce was with my mom's best friend and she was like my friend/mom... now they are married an everything is CRAZY! The weird thing is that i thought my life was perfect. my dad was the worship leader at our church and the lady he had an affair with was in charge of the whole music ministry which makes me feel even more confused. right now, my friends just seem to be acting really strange and i feel like i have no reason to live any more, i'm not sure that i would ever really  kill myself but i have definitely thought about it... please help me..." (don't take your father's sin's upon yourself Amy... live for YOU and let your dad take responsibility for himself and his own 'eternal' future)

July 15 - Valentina says...
"As I read parts of your page I was crying - I was searching for a chat line for people who have lost loved ones through suicide and ended up at jaredstory. First you are very brave and I admire you, for not only are you helping yourself but many others. My brother gassed himself when he was 24 and my father hung himself just over a year ago almost ten years after my brother left us. The grief is just overwhelming and I don't know if I can cope much longer - no one understands and I find I am becoming more and more anti-social by the day - its not just the suicide it just feels like I cant connect with anyone anymore, I feel lost, I am 34 and have three beautiful children but find it hard to focus on them I am wrapped in a web of fear and feel numb most of the time - I sometimes wish I could sleep forever. Please contact me if you would like to talk valentina@intekom.co.za  Love to you all - my heart bleeds for your pain"  (I left Valentina's email address so those who would like to email support, may do so - and maybe someday we will have a chat line on Jaredstory.com)

July 14 - Amanda says...
"I just lost my best friend/boyfriend due to suicide.  He was 15 and named Brandon B.  I think his mom might have emailed you.  Well, I just wanted to know how you dealt with all this? I can hardly look at a picture without crying. I often go over to his house to talk with his mom and check up on her and every time it gets harder and harder to leave.  It's like I'm visiting him too.  I can't deal with the fact that he's gone especially with how he died. I know in my heart that he didn't mean to kill himself but either which way.. he's no longer here.  I was just wondering if you could let me in on some helpful hints on dealing with my grief?? Thanks" (it takes time Amanda... also find a grief project)

July 14 - Cory says...
"there needs to be a 1 800 #  for people like myself that are concerned about what someone may be trying to do to themselves like my ex-girlfriend may be or other people to talk to on the net." (call 1-800-999-9999 - The Suicide Hotline - And the 'net' is not the best place to get professional help)

July 13 - Kristi says...
"I think i've been rather depressed lately.  I've been thinking about suicide a lot lately too. The only thing stopping me is the fear that i will go to hell, but that is starting to change.  I started writing  a journal, because i'm afraid to hurt someone with the way i'm feeling.  I really need someone to talk to, but no one really cares or has the time to care anymore.  I'm really scared.  I don't know what to do.  If you get a free moment i  was wondering if you could possibly give me a few helpful hints.  I don't want to hurt my family, but i'm so hurt and  i feel so alone, i'm sick of living in misery :o(  Please help me if you can..." (I care, and God cares too... life is worth living!)
and later...  "Thank you for responding to me.  I'm 19 years old, and i'm home for the summer from college.  I guess i've really been bumming lately because i don't really have anyone in my life who cares other than those who are obligated to, and with them i'm not that close.  My best friend ...i've tried to talk to her.  My first love broke up with me about 9 months ago, and his child is just about due now.   ...i'm alone, i can't even really be around people that much because i'm out in the middle of no where with a shared car. Thank you for listening!"

July 13 - Tammy says...
"...my 15 year old died 6/15/2000.  He hung himself in his room. He was a great athlete and a loving person. Although we had a wonderful relationship, his father was not present in  his life. Shane had a big heart and often asked me why his dad didn't love him. Like your page says teen suicide is a leading killer of our children. sixty-three percent of teen deaths are because of suicide.... Shane saw his father last Oct. at a wedding... He also struggled with a learning disability in school and the fact that he was multi-cultural.  I found your web site and would like to invite you to Shanes. It was created by his best friend who also attempted suicide." Http://shanebannister.cjb.net

July 8 - Anita says...
"I WOULD LIKE TO GIVE YOU A HUG AND SAY GOD BLESS YOU. I AM SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS OF JARED, SUCH A YOUNG LIFE .   I LOST MY BROTHER TO SUICIDE IN DEC 1999.  I HAVE A REAL HARD TIME WITH  IT, HE WAS NOT ONLY MY BROTHER BUT MY BEST FRIEND.   HE WAS 40 YRS. OLD,  AND STILL HAD A LOT OF LIFE TO LIVE, BUT SOMETHING WENT WRONG, THAT I NEVER WILL KNOW.  HE CAME FROM OHIO TO VISIT ME FOR THE HOLIDAYS, SEEMED SO HAPPY TO BE HERE .  BUT ON THE 3RD MORNING  MY HUSBAND FOUND HIM HUNG ON MY KIDS SWING SET, A DAY I NEVER IN A LIFE TIME IMAGINE I WOULD BE DEALING WITH, BUT WE NEVER DO, TILL IT HAPPENS.  I MUST SAY THAT ALL OF 1000DEATHS SITE AND ALL THE STORIES AND MEMORIAL HAS HELPED ME IN A LOT OF WAYS AND I ALWAYS SPREAD THE WORD TO PEOPLE TO VISIT THE SITE.  IT REALLY GIVES A BIG INSIGHT ON SUICIDE.  MY HEART GOES OUT TO YOU AND YOUR FAMILY AND EVEN THOUGH I DO NOT KNOW JARED I WOULD LIKE TO SAY TO HIM IN HEAVEN ABOVE, THE ANGELS ARE WITH YOU AS YOU ARE NOW A ANGEL, AND A CHILD OF GODS."

 
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DISCLAIMER
The diagnosis and treatment of depression and other psychiatric disorders requires trained medical professionals.  The information provided above is to be used for educational purposes only.  It should NOT be used as a substitute for seeking professional care for the diagnosis and treatment of any mental/psychiatric disorders.  The books are recommended as a reference, not as medical advice.

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