BEEN THERE, DONE THAT!
Other people's stories... MARCH
Email from people who have been through, thought of,
or are thinking about suicide, bullying, or are depressed.
Mar. 29 - Paige says...
"I e-mailed you some time ago about my friend who
is very depressed and tried to commit suicide. I think she was lying
to me about seeing a counselor. now she's acting depressed sometimes
instead of just saying she's depressed. She is really skinny naturally,
and now she is trying to lose weight. She gets upset and depressed
about every little thing. She has days when she is really happy,
and then days that are exactly the opposite. I don't know what to
do. She is my best friend and I don't want to lose her. I also don't
want to talk to her about being depressed for fear it will make her worse.
I am really scared for her." (Does your
friend's mother know what's happening? If you are worried about your
friend than maybe you should talk with her mother. At this point,
whether your friend gets mad at you for talking isn't important.
It also sounds like your friend is developing Anorexia (or something like
it). This will make depression even worse. I don't think you
can make anything worse if you talk to her about being depressed.
She probably would love to have someone understand what she's going through.
Approach her with something like, "hey, ____ you and I are good friends,
right? I've been thinking about you and worrying too. How are
you doing? Do you want to talk about anything? I'm here for
you if you need a listening ear." Learn to repeat back her concerns
and don't make any judgments, no matter how bad it sounds. EXAMPLE:
She says, "I feel awful today" - you say, "So, things are not going
well right now..." Don't wait for someone else to be her friend
and don't wait for someone else to talk to her mom and tell her what's
going on. Keep your chin up and don't give up.)
Mar. 28 - Dana says...
"...i have been using the surviving suicide web for
about a week. my roommate committed suicide last week and i keep thinking
that if i would have just called him and asked him to bring home the milk
might still be here. I know that it might have only prolonged it
a little while but i also believe that we prolonged his life and gave him
happy memories to take with him. ...he had lived above us for a couple
of months and knew he was a nice guy...he became part of our family ...even
though it was a platonic relationship he meant that much to us.
we have been able to stay only one night in the apartment since he took
his life at work. through sites like yours i'm able to handle and deal
much better. Its getting easier everyday but the void is still there and
will remain for along time to come" (I'm so sorry
about your friend taking his life. I'm glad you are finding ways
to vent your grief by visiting web sites and getting information about
suicide. It's a tough subject to bare let alone experience.
Don't blame yourself for anything. It wasn't your fault that your
roommate had depression. It's a real sickness, as real as Cancer
or Heart Disease. Depression clouds the mind so thoughts and common sense
can't escape. If you believe in God, then lean on Him heavy
for peace in your heart and in any case be sure you talk out your feelings
with someone everyday until the grief subsides and healing begins.
That could take anywhere from 6 weeks to 6 months if you work at
trying to heal... longer if you ignore or shut out your grief. I
wish you well as you learn to live with the pain of a suicide in your life
and I wish you happiness and a long life.)
Mar. 22 - Ashleigh says...
"...I was thinking of commiting suicide. My friend
Lori noticed some "signs" and sent me ur story. I just felt that
I should say how sorry I am about Jareds death. If u dont mind could u
please tell me what happened? I was looking through ur web site,
but I didnt see how it happened. I would really appricate it if you explained
to me what happened." (I'm glad you are
looking for reasons not to die. Suicide may seem like the answer
at times but every problem is temporary, no problem is permanent. As time
goes by it's amazing how things work themselves out. Jared
was assaulted inside
his Middle School by a bully
and never was the same after that. He couldn't sleep, concentrate,
and he became depressed... only we didn't know that was the problem.
We just knew that he was deeply affected by the assault. ...try and
have some patience with yourself and try to discover what you are feeling
down about. Once you know what the root cause of your depression
is you may be able to find a way to solve those problems and get to feeling
better. Life is worth living and you are worth more than you can
ever imagine. I wish you happiness and a long future.)
Mar. 22 - Kimberly says...
"i just got through helping my bestest friend, she
wanted to comit suicide and if i wouldn't of gone to a coucelor at school
she wouldnt of been here today. im 14 years old and i go to Mira Loma Middle
School. ...i was looking through websites and i found this one and
it helped me a lot to help me help my friend and i want to thank you a
lot because i lost a family member through suicide and its really hard
and i just want to say thank you" (Your
friend is so lucky to have you watching over her and helping her, with
the help of a counselor. Her family will never know the grief you
have saved them from, something I know you understand well, since you lost
a family member through suicide.)
Mar. 20 - Kathy says...
My brother-in-law Kendell, also
lost a son named Jared a couple of years ago to suicide. It's been
a very difficult road for him and his family. ...He refered me to
your website. He has found many comforting words there. It's
nice to hear words of hope from people who have been through a similar
situations. Here is a memorial for our Jared: http://www.geocities.com/Heartland/Estates/7506/jared.html"
we die and meet our Jared's again we won't even care about the way they
died because we will be so happy to see them again, and we will understand
everything, all the "why's" will be gone.)
Mar. 20 - Roxanne says...
"I just came upon your web-site because I was trying
to get more information about teenage depression. I'm a 37 year old
mother of a 17-1/2 year old daughter who was recently diagnosed with anorexia,
clinical depression and ocd. She has been on zoloft for 2 weeks and
she seems to be feeling tremendously better. However, talk of dying
still persists. Not as much, thank god, but I still worry.
I'm so sorry about your loss and I was wondering if you knew something
was wrong? I've known all along, but the hardest part was doing something
about it. I had so much resistance from my husband and even though
she is doing better, I still feel we waited too long. You are very
brave to open you heart to other people and I would appreciate anything
you could say to me. She is leaving for college this year and I'm
very scared that she won't take her medication or that the overwhelming
events of leaving her friends and family will cause her to feel this badly
again." (I'm very glad you were able to diagnose
your daughter before it was too late. We didn't know what Jared had,
before he died. We only knew that he was acting different after he
was assaulted inside
his Middle School by a bully. By the time we discovered that Jared
needed help, the morning he died, it was too late. If
there was anything I could say to your husband I would tell him to take
everything your daughter is feeling and doing VERY seriously. Kids
are very fragile, especially if there are emotional problems, and if they
need help we must do whatever it takes to make sure they get it.
You said, "she seems to be feeling tremendously better" - We had
just put Jared into a new school, he seemed so happy and had made tons
of friends... he also seemed to be feeling better. Sometimes kids
fake it "better". Don't be fooled. You've still
got some time before your daughter goes off to college to get her some
intensive counseling for her problems. I don't know which of those
problems you mentioned is the worse problem but I would guess that if you
can solve the anorexia that may help the other two problems get better
too. I would concentrate on the anorexia first, but, of course, I'm
only a mother (like you) and not a doctor. I wish you well
as you love your daughter back to good health, in mind and body.
Never give up and always keep the love flowing.)
Mar. 19 - Jao says...
"I happend to stumble upon your site while I was searching
for "the word" in the internet... and while i was reading the stories of
some people who are feeling the same way as i am.. little by little.. i
was encouraged to... do the same thing and try to narrate what i have been
feeling lately.. i felt prety much the same things as they did... having
to much stress, your family getting scared of you and backing away..
your friends trying to help you and tattle-tailing to the school councelor...
it helped a little.. yes... well maybe it only helped a little coz I've
been convincing them that I'm okay.. but i'm not i guess the councelor
got fed up with my stubborness that finally she gave up on me... now...
everyday at school, i wear a jacket over my uniform so that no one will
see the "scars" in my arms.. suddenly cutting seems like an addiction...
no one seems to notice though which is i guess a good thing.... i
just really don't know what to do right now... i've survived
two overdozes and I'm scared that one day i might really do it..." (I
hear you and I'm understanding how much you are hurting. I also get
the feeling that you want help but can't seem to find it. It's sad
to hear that your counselor gave up on trying to help you. Have you researched
the subject of depression and found what caused
you to become depressed in the first place? It might help just
knowing what has caused you to get into depression and cutting and suicidal
thoughts. Then you can try and get help for that "root" cause. As
an example, Jared was "triggered" by into depression by an assault inside
his Middle School by a bully and never was the same after that. It
eventually led to his suicide. In our case, we had no idea that he
had depression. We knew that he was having "problems" but we didn't
know that he was at risk of suicide because of it. You, and
your family have one advantage over us... you know that depression can
cause suicide or suicidal behavior, or at least I hope you know that.
Try and cheer up... you might have to work for it and you might have to
ask for help, and I know that part is hard to do, but life can be fun to
live. Don't let yourself suffer, go and search for the happiness
you deserve. And you DO deserve to be happy! Believe it!!!)
Mar. 19 - "Anonymous" says...
"For the past six months I have suffered every moment
of the day. At night my dreams can be rather frightening, and at times
I cry from all the frustration and feelings. All of this is the effects
of guilt... in late Nov., early Dec. I awoke to a day that I didn't
know would change my life to what it is now. ...I was walking down the
hall towards the lounge/foyer area of the building when I saw a guy I knew,
Greg, standing by himself against the wall.... Greg was a guy I knew from
high school. He had been an acquaintance through our days in little league
baseball and later our personal problems. ...He always had problems socializing,
and to my knowledge he didn't have many friends. ...I would see him
a couple times a year, walking around campus or between a class. It was
a random thing. ...He was standing there by himself, which was not unusual.
...So with time to spare I walked up to him and stopped to say "how's it
going?" ...When I asked Greg that question he kinda' gave me a stressed
look and said in a breathy tone, "Not good". Immediately I gave a smirk
and said, "Oh I know what you're talkin' about, sometimes you feel like
you're hangin' by a string and you just wanna cut it"...I never thought
about our conversation. Then I awoke one morning, approx. 3 months later
to a day that I wish could disappear. ...I saw a name in the obituary
that made my stomach drop again. It was Greg's name. ...I knew what had
happened. ...The guilt began to wash over me, and the terrible thoughts
and feelings, "Am I to blame?" ...I've withdrawn from people, cried often,
feel as though I'm an awful person, sweared off any thoughts of love, marriage,
kids, or a good career, all because I don't feel I deserve it. ...I've
been seeing a counselor and she is absolutely terrific, but I realize she
cant give me an answer, because there will never be an answer. ...when
I saw this page, I decide that I finally wanted to share this story with
someone outside a close friend, my family, and my counselor..."(...You
have a great lesson to teach others about understanding others in pain,
and yet you have also been through depression yourself. So, you have
a unique perspective. I'm going to give you the best advice you are ever
going to get... Ready, Here it is. Forgive Yourself! We all
make mistakes. We were born to make mistakes. How we react
to our mistakes is how we can determine our future. We can CHOOSE
to dwell on our mistakes and punish ourselves at every turn or we can CHOOSE
to forgive ourselves and go forward with our life and learn from our mistakes.
...God has forgiven you, Greg has forgiven you.... Okay, I
know what you are thinking. How do I know that God and Greg has forgiven
you? God has forgiven you because you are his Spirit child and he
loves you, and Greg has forgiven you because now his mind is cleared from
depression, and he's very happy where he is right now. He doesn't
blame you for the way he died. We all die, and Greg died from depression.
That wasn't your fault because you didn't cause his depression. Period.
...You are punishing yourself for your mistakes and you have not forgiven
yourself. You need to see yourself as worthy of forgiveness, and
you are. ...You are worthy
of happiness, love, marriage, kids, or a good career... give yourself the
benefit of the doubt. When Jared died by suicide, he didn't leave
a note or ask for help prior to his suicide. We were so hurt and
angry at him for doing this to us. I could visualize his Spirit in
my mind following me around begging for my forgiveness. That hurt
so much, just the thought of that. I decided to forgive him for his
suicide and I know that he has forgiven me for all the dumb things I had
done that might of offended him. When our entire family forgave Jared
we began our healing process and moved out of our deep grief. It's
the most beautiful gift we can be given and the most wonder gift we can
give, to be forgiven and to forgive. Okay, I gave you the best
advice I have. I also give you my blessings and prayers for peace
in your heart. Your value to God and your family cannot and never
will be measured. http://www.jaredstory.com/meaning_of_life.html)
Mar. 16 - Dorinda says...
"...I am the mother of 4 teenagers. I can't say how
thankful to you I am for your web site. On January 15 of this year my 14
yr old daughter Emily tried to take her own life. She overdosed on 5 different
types of medications and we didnt realize it until 22 hrs later when she
was hard to awaken and started vomiting nothing but green stomach bile
and 3 differnt types of meds fell from between her sheets. We took her
to the local emergency room where they did blood work and said they needed
to transfer her to the local university hospital because that was the only
place they could attempt to do the antedote. She was in the ICU for 9 days
and came away with only minimal liver damage thank goodness, but we are
still struggling with her and her self destructive tendencies. We are all
in family counseling 3-4 days a week, my husband and I both are seeing
therapists and Emily is seeing a therapist on her own and for all of this
it seems we are getting nowhere, I was wondering if you've any other thoughts
or avenues we might pursue so that I can show Emily that life is a gift
and worth striving for. Thank you so much again for sharing Jareds life
with others it meant so much to me to know that there is someone out there
reaching out through their pain to help others THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH!!!"
is a time for your family to come together often and communicate with each
other. You are doing the right thing by getting family counseling.
The worst of your problems are over because you now know how Emily is feeling
and you can work on repairing what ever is wrong. In our case we
had no clue that Jared wanted to die and no warning. We didn't even
have a chance to help him... and it was over. The only
other advice I could give you is to pursue a spiritual life together as
a family. Find a spiritual advisor or Church that can give your family
some spiritual guidance. When we lost Jared we were able to gain
some peace in knowing that God does love us and cares how we are feeling.
There is peace in believing in life after death. ...Put your arm around
your children everyday and tell them how much they mean to you and how
deep your love them.)
Mar. 14 - Andrew says...
"hey there, Since I came across this page and read
the whole thing I'm wondering, What caused Jared to be in a crippling depression
and ended his life? (his life story didn't say anything about the reasons).
I need to know because like him i'm suffering Severe depression and believe
I looked everywher for answers and to put these pack in perspective, failed
though (I failed to mention that I'm 15). I'm an extreme loner so thats
pretty much the reason right there for my moods. anyway I want to know
that I'm not alone and that MAYBE I can find a way to deal with it. You
should probably know that when death ocurrs it doesn't mean that life doesn't
end, Jared is probably having a good life himself in the Astral planes...
later... I attepted suicide once and I'll probably do it again since
I'm isolated from this world." (Jared was assaulted
inside his Middle School and never was the same after that. We had
no clue that Jared was suffering from depression, although we did notice
that he couldn't sleep and was easily stressed. We tried to get help
from his school but they made things worse by placing the blame on him
for being assaulted. - You might find this article about bullies
- I would suggest you read the article, What is Depression, http://www.jaredstory.com/depression_causes.html
to see if you can pin down what triggered your depression and then go from
there. Knowing what the root cause of your depression is will help
you get back on the road to recovery. If you need professional help,
don't be too proud to seek it. As long as you are living in this
world you might at well be happy while you are here. Do what ever
it takes to be happy again. Yes, it is my
belief that Jared lives on. Astral Planes sounds cool, like Heaven,
...I'm sure that Jared's jumping on a trampoline somewhere having a lot
Mar. 14 - Danielle says...
"hey.. I really dont' think about depression that
much I mean yea I feel hopeless alot because this guy I really loved broke
up with me and we lost our virginity to each other and it hurts cuz I mean
now he wont even speak to me. He has so much cuz of me, friends, a church,
money ...it hurts really bad it's like a pain that won't go away I'm going
to couneslor and all but nothin works. i don't wanna take medicine, I just
don't know what to do. any advice?" (If
you have a chance read, What is Depression, on JaredStory.com (http://www.jaredstory.com/depression_causes.html).
A couple of the things that can "trigger" depression is a "A painful mental,
or emotional event and a Marriage breakup, or love lost suddenly."
If you are aware that depression may be taking a hold of you because of
what happened in your relationship with your former boyfriend, that will
help you to get through your depression. This is my own advice to you and
you might get mad at me for being honest with you, but you may never hear
it anywhere else, so here it is: You need to resolve and make a commitment
to yourself not to allow a boy to use love as a reason to have sex with
you. If he loves you then he will make some commitments to you -
like marriage first, OR, if you get pregnant he will be the child's
father and support the child, OR, if you get a sexual disease because of
him, he will come visit you in the hospital to give you the emotional support
you need. Once you make these self committments you will feel a lot
better about yourself and your future. ...You could be my daughter
and I would say the same thing to her (and I'm sure I have said the same
things to my daughters). ...I have a habit of saying it like
it is. I wish you well as heal from your lost love.)
Mar. 13 - Stacy says...
"...Today I had to go vist a consiler about my depression
problems. well it all went find until she asked how i felt towards my mom.
and i strated crying. cuase my mom don't spend alot of time with my sister
and i. well i'm failing school because of that problem. can you give some
advise about this sitution? I'm sorry if i gave you any trouble but i need
some help. How should i tell her how i feel? ...Hope you can help." (The
first thing that can help your relationship with your mother is to get
your depression under control. Tell her that you want her help to
feel better and that you want to see a doctor that can help you with depression.
There are some natural herbs that might help you feel better, that your
mom might like to buy for you. One is called St. John's Wort and
the other is called SAM-e. You can get both of these at Costco/SAM's
Club. SAM-e is more expensive but is stronger. Have your mom
do some research first so she can feel comfortable giving these to you.
Try and put yourself in your moms shoes, feel her feelings, understand
why she is having a problem with you and your sister. Does it go
deep, maybe into a past problem? Does she want to have a relationship
with her daughters but something is holding her back? It's strange
that I'm advising you (the daughter) to become a Psychiatrist to try and
figure out your mom, but if you make the effort it might pay off.
Ask her what you can do to help her, try to soften her heart and you may
see that her feelings towards you could change. Just don't give up.
I don't know many moms that don't love their daughters, I just know moms
that haven't gotten to know their daughters. Give mom the chance to get
to know what a great daughter you are.)
Mar. 12 - "Spice" says...
"I'm frightened for my friend, she was expelled today,
because three people called in to this telephone service (that our school
set up to protect our school from shootings) to say that she was
making threats. I know my friend did no such thing, but the Dean called
her in and she was expelled from school. My Friend is picked on because
she is bipolar depressive and cuts herself. Of all things, people tease
her about that! They also tease her because she is Wiccan-- a pagan
religion, and people believe that she worships the devil-- which she DOESN'T!
...gets depressed easily. She called her boyfriend to tell him that
she might kill herself. We know that she has a bottle of poison and
we're both fearful for her life. I don't want the school to be responsible
for another death-- my friend did not make those threats, but I can't
prove anything either way. ...Is there anything I can say to
her? I can't go over to see her because she is grounded. She is calling
regularly and is there anything I can say to make her feel better? (It
doesn't matter what religion your friend is or what she believes.
She deserves to be treated with respect and fairly. If she has been
falsely accused then she should get a lawyer and cry fowl and discrimination.
I think she has enough proof that she has been discriminated against.
...Tell her to fight for her rights! Getting a lawyer may help her
with the discrimination she is suffering from but it won't help her with
her depression. She needs to see a Doctor or Therapist and possibly
get on some medication. Cutting is a sure sign of Stress, Anxiety
and Depression. Since the shootings... all the school
districts have gone nuts trying to place blame on something... There is
only one way to stop the violence and that's to stop the kind of treatment
your friend is getting, like harassment,
blame, bullying and intimidation. I hope you are able to talk
some sense into her. When people are depressed they don't listen
too well. Just keep trying... that's the best you can do.)
Mar. 11 - Samm says...
"...i am 14 years old and i live in pa. when
i was in 8th grade my friend died of suicide. her name was stephanie. she
was only 12. she was THE most popular girl in her grade. she
must have been depressed even though she never showed it. she died
in feb. of 2000. after her death i went into a very depressing stage and
was admitted into a hospital crisis center here in philadelphia.
i didn't know steph that well i talked to her and was on her cheer leading
squad but wasn't friends out of school and it effected me a great amount.
suicide is not the answer but when people choose to make that decision
and go through with it, there is nothing you can do but put on a smile
for the life that person has lived so far. your child jared is in heaven
now with steph and i promise you that they are both in good hands and your
son will one day be with his mother once again." (I'm
also sorry to hear that you lost a friend to suicide. Sometimes moms
forget about how friendships have been impacted when we lose our child
to suicide. Jared had good friends and every time I thought of them,
the first few months after Jared died, I cried. I knew they hurt
too. Jared didn't show his depression to his friends either.
I didn't know he had depression, although we did know that something was
wrong after he was assaulted
inside his school by a bully.
is a very hard thing to figure out but since you personally went through
it I know that you are well aware of how dangerous it is. Thank
you about what you said about Jared being in Heaven.
I believe that is true. Jared had a really good heart and lived a
good life while he was here. I am looking forward to the time that
I can see Jared again, but I plan to have a full and happy life until my
time comes. I hope those blessing come to you too.)
Mar. 10 - "Punquegurl" says...
"i have been depressed for a couple of years and i
have taken the blade to myself and cut, what should i do" (Do
you have someone you can talk to about how you are feeling. There
are lots of ways that you can get help for depression and anxiety.
Teens who cut themselves frequently do so to relieve stress and anxiety,
and it becomes a hard habit to break. If you can go to see a doctor
and tell him how you are feeling he can help you out with some medication.
Think of it as "depression insulin" to help balance out your moods.
...Ask for help. We were all put on this earth together and we were
never meant to go through our lives alone. Your life is worth
every effort you can make to save it. You deserve happiness as much
as anyone else. Give yourself the chance.)
Mar. 10 - "CW" says...
"last year about this time i
attempted suicide i was caught by some friends and put into a mental hospital.
they then gave me drugs for depression well they said in a yr. i should
be able to come off it. well when a yr. rolled a round my mom took me off
of it and since then i have felt like crap with mood swings extreme highs
then extreme lows. i try to tell my parents but they just shake it off.
im scared of what might happen. i hate feeling like this. everybody
keeps asking me what's wrong. i say im just tired. i cant sleep. i cant
eat. my grades are awful and i want to roll over and die half the time.
what am i to do i'm only 16 and my parents don't like the fact that
their kid isn't normal in the head and i have to deal with it but i've
about had enough."
(...you still need to
be on some medication to help you with your depression. What is the
reason that your parents give for taking you off? Obviously it isn't
because you are feeling better. Are they worried that it is a "drug"
and that you shouldn't be taking drugs? Some parents are so blinded
by the depression "drug" stigma that they can't see the dangers they are
putting their child into. (There is one natural herb that is pretty
strong that your parents might go for. It's called SAM-e and you
can by it at Costco/Sam's Club. But, it's not as good as some of the medications
that Doctor's can prescribe.) I have a son (Jacob) that is diabetic
and insulin dependent. If I took him off his insulin he would die.
Your parents need to see that you need to be on some sort of "depression
insulin" so you don't die. Jacob will need to be on insulin for his
whole life, unless some kind of cure comes up. If you need to be
on a drug all your life, just to have your life, then I think that's what
you should be resolved to do. Copy off the article in Jaredstory.com
called, What is Depression? (http://www.jaredstory.com/depression_causes.html)
and give a copy of it to your parents. Maybe this will help them
understand what you are going through and resolve to help you get better,
even if it means getting some "depression insulin" every day. You
are a normal person who is not acting normal because you are depressed.
...Your life if worth fighting for... there are a lot of future adventures
to experience, just keep on trying to make yourself understood.)
Mar. 8 - Christy says...
"...the fire that still burns inside of me when I
think about Cliff
(who died by suicide). ...I have so many
emotions about it and I think that its not only drained me emotional but
physically its taken a toll on me. I've got questions, and I have
no answers. I never got closure with him, nor did I get to say good-bye.
On March 1st I went and sat at his grave talking to him hoping that he
would answer all my questions. Is it wrong that I want to read the
letter and I want to know where he got the gun? I think about this
way too much and I think that its the biggest fire that burns inside of
me and I think it because I am so mad at him for doing what he did.
I've tried to talk to his Mom and I have driven passed his mom's house
so many times but I can't stop. I heard that his Mom is still in
a state of shock and still very depressed.
I wouldn't know how to act, I'd feel like I almost have to be the stronger
on but what happens if I do break down? I think that I am putting
her feelings first and when I hear she's doing better then maybe I'll bring
myself to stop and talk about this and ask the questions that I still have
running through my mind every night. ...after two years and 7 days after
the fact, I am going to look into a place where I can talk to someone that
will understand how I feel and maybe help me get through this with a little
less stress..." (You must do whatever you feel
comfortable with to work yourself through the grieving process. The goal
is to get through grief and into healing. You will know when you
are healing because you will feel a more peaceful feeling, more acceptance
of what happened. Some people take longer than others, but everyone
is different in the ways of healing so don't worry about the TIME it takes
to get through it. I'd only worry if there was no progress at all.
Visiting the grave site can be very healing. Asking questions can
also be healing, if the answers can be faced. People look at the
gun as a way of displacing the blame for what happened. The better
question would be, "What caused Cliff to use a gun?" After all, he
could of used a rope, jumped over a cliff or used a drug to die with.
So find out what caused Cliff to do what he did and you will understand
more about what happened. Also, a really good book to read is, "Suicide,
The Forever Decision" by Paul G. Quinnett. It goes into the mind
of the suicidal and helps people understand depression and despondency.
This is the one book that answered the most questions about what happened
to Jared. It will help you more than you can imagine... so go out
and buy it, or go to a library today. ...Work at being happy and you will
find yourself becoming happy. Try!)
Mar. 8 - Veronica says...
"I'm sorry about everything you've had to go through.
I just wanted to know if he had come to you and told you what he was thinking
what would you have said? All I know is my mother has basically told
me she doesn't care. In a way I don't want her to care, because then
she would try to stop me. No, I do not want to be stopped.
I want to die, and my only reason is I am tired of all the pain.
The pain that people have been causing one another for years and the pain
they have been causing me. I'm only 16 and I have seen enough pain
in the world to break my spirit. I have no reason to live.
So far my life has been full of pain and suffering and not just my own.
I can't help everyone and no one can help me...
and later... Thank you
for replying. Yes I do suffer from depression. I am what's
called a manic depressive. I see thing that are not there, and hear
things that are not there. The reason I know that my mother doesn't
care is because she told me so to my face. I have given myself many
chances to see life in a new way, to try and see it as something beautiful
not as this circle of pain. I now believe more than ever that
life is meant to be a cruel game. That may not make much sense to
you but it dose to me. I will try once again to see the good in life
not only for you but for me as well. PS Jared was lucky to have a
mother like you." (... if we had been given
the chance we would of helped Jared, but Jared never asked for it and when
depression had a hold on him it was his "death grip" and thus ending up
to be our worst nightmare. ...I can only believe that something
is very wrong with your mother, emotionally, that she would tell you such
a cruel thing. What happened to her, in her past, that she has so
little understanding of love? Why do you think your mom doesn't care?
If you were standing in her shoes do you think you could understand why
she might be feeling that way? ...Are you on medication?
Depression is as serious an illness as being diabetic. You are a
very nice person, and I feel sorry for your mother that she can't see what
a wonderful person you are. Look in the mirror and tell yourself,
"I am important and I am worth every effort I make to survive!" I
guess if I could say one thing to you it would be that suicide is a permanent
solution to a temporary problem. Try to help yourself. Your
life if worth it. Try!)
Mar. 6 - Jennifer says...
"everybody doesn't have parents who'd care for them.
i feel like i've never been loved or cared for. i feel like I'm the most
unwanted person on earth. i was bullied at school and i was told
once that kill yourself you're so ugly that nobody wants to see you anymore.
now i'm not at school anymore. i'm a loser." (I'm
mad at the jerks who said those rotten things to you. They are the
losers, not you. ...The best thing to do in this situation is to
get counseling, see a Doctor, and/or possibly take some medication to help
you get through your depression. If you are feeling like a "loser"
that's a clear sign to me that you have clinical depression (bi-polar is
the technical term). If you read the article, Been
Harassed in School, than you can get some ideas on what to do for your
bully situation. Don't let them get away with it. You may not
be able to change anything for you but maybe you can change it for the
next girl that might get treated like you. If you will fight for
your rights now, than you can save another girl from feeling bad like you
do right now... Stay with it!)
Mar. 5 - Christie says...
"It was two years on March 1st since my friends committed
suicide. I sat at his grave and asked all the questions that have
been going through my head, and sometimes all I want is an answer or just
a sign to let me know that he is somewhere very special. There's not a
day that doesn't go by and I don't think of him, I think now I think or
him more then ever. Its frustrating because I feel as if I cant talk
to any one of my friends about it because they have never experienced it.
I had another friend try to kill himself on New Year's Day, and another
tried by taking pills. I just sometimes feel overwhelmed by everyone's
else actions ever since Clifford took his life. I wish you the best and
I believe that you touched a lot of peoples lives
with your page about Jared." (It
sounds like you've been having a hard time... Have you tried to find
a support group in your area to go to? The Compassionate
Friends have chapters all over the nation and some Chaplaincy's offer
S.O.S. (Survivors of Suicide) counseling. SOS was the most effective
for me but I felt better after going to The Compassionate Friends meetings
too. Find something that works for you...)
Mar. 4 - Jon says...
"I'm 17 I've been severely bi-polar depressive / suicidal
for as long as I can remember and currently that's a few sketchy memories
from when I was 4, 7, 10, and 12. ...I just wanted you to know that no
matter how much your son loved you the depression will fight three times
as hard to keep you from getting help. I know, it took me five years
of fighting with myself, and keeping myself occupied (so I wouldn't have
time to hurt myself) before I could even tell anyone. ...I know your
son loved you, you can see it in his eyes. The bully was only a trigger
and once the depressive circle starts anything and everything is used as
an "excuse" to alleviate the guilt of suicide... (I
hope you are able to find the strength to fight the depression that is
causing you to think about suicide...)
Mar. 4 - Paige says...
"...My best friend has been depressed for four months
and she is seeing a counselor. A couple of days ago she took 11 very
strong pain killers as an attempt to commit suicide. She realized
what she had done, and called her mom. She had to go to the hospital
and have her stomach pumped. She is alive now, but I am so worried
she is going to do it again. She is 13 years old. We had a
talk, and I told her how many people would be affected if she killed herself,
but I really think she is past the point of caring about other's feelings
too much. I know you're not a doctor, but I think you may be able
to help me. I don't know what to say to my friend. I am so
scared for her. I never thought it could happen to her, or to someone
my age. She never even told me she was depressed until after she
attempted suicide. She is such a happy, upbeat person, I never, ever
would have guessed she is depressed. I don't think she is on drugs;
in fact, I'm almost positive. She really isn't like that... (Your
friend does want to live. She got help before it was too late.
Now the problem lies with solving her depression. She will need your
support and love while she goes through counseling or therapy.
Now that everyone is aware that she has depression it may actually be easier
for her to talk to you about what she is feeling and why she is feeling
so sad all the time. The only advice I will give you on dealing with
your friend, is to accept her and love her for herself, don't expect anything
more than she can give. Help her keep the stress level down, and
to lighten her load if you can. Depression isn't there and working on a
person all the time, it comes and goes and Stress will bring it out.
When you described your friend, you described Jared, happy-go-lucky, no
drugs, good person... Unfortunately for us he didn't tell us how
he was feeling and we didn't know he wanted to kill himself. ...I
never figured he would do what he did either, but 13 is a very sensitive
time in a kids life and us adults just don't have a clue about that...
it seems. ...Your type of friendships are worth more than GOLD as far as
I'm concerned. Don't put the weight of the world on your shoulders,
just do the best that you can do and that will be enough.)
Mar. 4 - From (Harassment) Survey...
"Much of the harassment that
goes on is very subtle and is hard to substantiate. Even if school administrators
intervene it still goes on ...just on a different level that I feel maybe
more damaging than the original abuse. I have had to deal with this problem
with both of my daughters and it leaves me feeling frustrated and fearful.
Somehow we have to stop this and help these abusers because they will be
the adults of our future society and I see the troubles of the victims
(Yes, and there are more
than Administrators would like to admit...)
Mar. 2 - Gus says...
"...I'm turned 16 on February
20th of this year. I was looking up things on the internet about
depression (because i think i might have it) and I came upon your site.
As I have been searching, i have taken 2 quizzes that tell you if you have
depression and if you are at risk for suicide. they both said that
i'm at a high risk for suicide. I knew that already since i've come
very close to doing it. If you could help me with something, i would
like to know what changes you saw in your son before he died. If
they are anything like mine, i would like to know so that i can... either
get help or something. I'm kind of at a spot right now where there
is nothing i can do." (Jared's depression
was "triggered" by an assault
inside his Middle School by a bully. The key to finding out about
your depression (http://www.jaredstory.com/depression.html)
is finding out what caused it in the first place. When you know where
the "root" of the problem lies then you can get help for your depression...
and prevent suicide. The GOAL is to become happy with yourself and
abilities, gain some self confidence and find your purpose in life.
Believe it or not there are some 50 year olds that haven't done that yet.
Read and study the article on What Depression Is & It's Causes at:
to get some insight into depression. After you know what is causing
your depression you will feel some relief in that knowledge but now the
hard part will be getting better. Depression doesn't go away that
easy. If it's severe than you must go see a doctor and get on a prescription
(or you can try St. John's Wort or SAM-e if your parents would prefer that
you tried something natural first). ...Do yourself a favor
and don't worry about what the other kids might say. They are not
walking in your shoes and they have no clue about how depression is hurting
you. Take the advice of a mom who has lost her son, (for which the
pain for everyone involved when suicide struck was beyond words and grief),
give your family and friends the chance that we never had. Ask for
Mar. 1 - Barbara says...
"Thank you for your web site.
We lost our son to suicide 4 years ago. He was 17. Now, I have
people coming to me and asking if I would talk to other Moms who have lost
a child to suicide. That is how I came across your web site, I was collecting
information to share. I am not a counselor but I am a Mom who knows." (It
doesn't seem to matter how long ago a child died, healing goes on for a
lifetime. I would be happy for you to use any information on my website
that can help you others in their lifetime healing.)
Keep the BALANCE
in your life!
The diagnosis and treatment
of depression and other psychiatric disorders requires trained medical
professionals. The information provided above is to be used for educational
purposes only. It should NOT be used as a substitute for seeking
professional care for the diagnosis and treatment of any mental/psychiatric
disorders. The books are recommended as a reference, not as medical
There, Done That'
On E-Book for $ 9.90
Meaning of Life
Jared's Sister says: