Sunday School Humor
A
little girl was sitting on her grandfather's lap as he read her a bedtime
story. From time to time, she would take her eyes off the book and reach
up to touch his wrinkled cheek. She was alternately stroking her
own cheek, then his again. Finally she spoke up, "Grandpa, did God make
you?"
"Yes,
sweetheart," he answered, "God made me a long time ago."
"Oh,"
she paused, "grandpa, did God make me too?"
"Yes,
indeed, honey," he said, "God made you just a little while ago."
Feeling
their respective faces again, she observed, "God's getting better at it,
isn't he?" |
 |
And
one particular four-year old prayed, "And forgive us our trash baskets
as we forgive those who put trash in our baskets."
A little
boy was overheard praying: "Lord, if you can't make me a better boy, don't
worry about it. I'm having a real good time like I am."
A
Sunday school teacher asked her little children, as they were on the way
to church service, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?"
One
bright little girl replied, "Because people are sleeping."
The
preacher was wired for sound with a lapel microphone, and as he preached,
he moved briskly about the platform, jerking the mike cord as he went.
Then he moved to one side, getting wound up in the cord and nearly tripping
before jerking it again. After several circles and jerks, a little girl
in the third pew leaned toward her mother and whispered, "If he gets loose,
will
he hurt us?"
Six-year
old Angie and her four-year old brother Joel were sitting together in church.
Joel giggled, sang, and talked out loud. Finally, his big sister had had
enough. "You're not supposed to talk out loud in church."
"Why?
Who's going to stop me?" Joel asked.
Angie
pointed to the back of the church and said, "See those two men standing
by the door?
They're
hushers."
A
mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin, 5, Ryan, 3. The boys
began to argue over who would get the first pancake. Their mother saw the
opportunity for a moral lesson. "If Jesus were sitting here, He would say
'Let my brother have the first pancake, I can wait.'
Kevin
turned to his younger brother and said, "Okay Ryan, you be Jesus!"
A
father was at the beach with his children when the four-year old son ran
up to him, grabbed his hand, and led him to the shore, where a seagull
lay dead in the sand. "Daddy, what happened to him?" the son asked.
"He
died and went to Heaven," the dad replied.
The
boy thought a moment and then said, "Did God throw him back down?"
After
the church service a little boy told the pastor, "When I grow up, I'm going
to give you some money."
"Well,
thank you," the pastor replied, "But why?"
"Because
my daddy says you're one of the poorest preachers we've ever had."
A
wife invited some people to dinner. At the table, she turned to their six-year
old daughter and said, "Would you like to say the blessing?"
"I
wouldn't know what to say," the girl replied.
"Just
say what you hear Mommy say," the wife answered.
The
daughter bowed her head and said, "Lord, why on earth did I invite all
these people to dinner?"
A
Sunday school class was studying the Ten Commandments. They were ready
to discuss the last one. The teacher asked if anyone could tell her what
it was. Susie raised her hand, stood tall, and quoted, "Thou shall not
take the covers off the neighbor's wife."
A
little boy was attending his first wedding.
After the service, his cousin
asked him, "How many women can a man marry?"
"Sixteen," the boy responded.
His cousin was amazed that
he had an answer so quickly. "How do you know that?"
"Easy," the little boy said.
"All you have to do is add it up, like the Bishop said: 4 better, 4 worse,
4 richer, 4 poorer."
After
a church service on Sunday morning, a young boy suddenly announced to his
mother, "Mom, I've decided to become a minister When I grow up."
"That's
okay with us, but what made you decide that?"
"Well,"
said the little boy, "I have to go to church on Sunday anyway, and I figure
it will be more fun to stand up and yell, than to sit and listen."
A 6-year-old was overheard reciting
the Lord's Prayer at a church service: "And forgive us our trash
passes, as we forgive those who passed trash against us."
A boy was watching
his father, a pastor, write a sermon. "How do you know what to say?"
he asked.
"Why,
God tells me."
"Oh,
then why do you keep crossing things out?"
A little girl became restless
as the preacher's sermon dragged on and on. Finally, she leaned over to
her mother and whispered, "Mommy, if we give him the money now, will he
let us go?"
After the christening
of his baby brother in church, little Johnny sobbed all the way home in
the back seat of the car. His father asked him three times what was wrong.
Finally,
the boy replied, "That priest said he wanted us brought up in a Christian
home, and I want to stay with you guys!"
Terri asked her Sunday School
class to draw pictures of their favorite Bible stories. She was puzzled
by Kyle's picture, which showed four people on an airplane, so she asked
him which story it was meant to represent.
The Flight to Egypt, was
his reply.
Pointing at each figure,
Ms. Terri said, "That must be Mary, Joseph, and Baby Jesus, But who is
the fourth person?
Oh, that's Pontius-the pilot.
The Sunday School
Teacher asks, "Now, Johnny, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?"
"No
sir," little Johnny replies, "I don't have to. My Mom is a good cook."
A college drama group presented
a play in which one character would stand on a trap door and announce,
"I descend into hell!"
A stagehand below would
then pull a rope, the trapdoor would spring, and the actor would drop from
view.
The play was well received.
When the actor playing the part became ill, another actor who was quite
overweight took his place. When the new actor announced, "I descend
into hell!" the stagehand pulled the rope, and the actor began his plunge,
but became hopelessly stuck. No amount of tugging on the rope could
make him descend.
One student in the balcony
jumped up and yelled: "Hallelujah! Hell is full!"
Pastor Dave Charlton
tells us, "After a worship service at First Baptist Church in Newcastle,
Kentucky, a mother with a fidgety seven-year old boy told me how she finally
got her son to sit still and be quiet. About halfway through the sermon,
she leaned over and whispered, 'If you don't be quiet, Pastor Charlton
is going to lose his place and will have to start his sermon all over again!'
It
worked."
One Sunday
in a Midwest city, a young child was "acting up" during the morning worship
hour. The parents did their best to maintain some sense of order in the
pew but were losing the battle. Finally, the father picked the little fellow
up and walked sternly up the aisle on his way out. Just before reaching
the safety of the foyer, the little one called loudly to the congregation,
"Pray for me! Pray for me!"
READY FOR MORE?
CHURCH HUMOR - PART
TWO
