Sunday School Humor
A
little girl was sitting on her grandfather's lap as he read her a bedtime
story. From time to time, she would take her eyes off the book and reach
up to touch his wrinkled cheek. She was alternately stroking her
own cheek, then his again. Finally she spoke up, "Grandpa, did God make
you?"
"Yes,
sweetheart," he answered, "God made me a long time ago."
"Oh,"
she paused, "grandpa, did God make me too?"
"Yes,
indeed, honey," he said, "God made you just a little while ago."
Feeling
their respective faces again, she observed, "God's getting better at it,
isn't he?" |
|
And
one particular four-year old prayed, "And forgive us our trash baskets
as we forgive those who put trash in our baskets."
A
little boy was overheard praying: "Lord, if you can't make me a better
boy, don't worry about it. I'm having a real good time like I am."
A
Sunday school teacher asked her little children, as they were on the way
to church service, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?"
One
bright little girl replied, "Because people are sleeping."
The
preacher was wired for sound with a lapel microphone, and as he preached,
he moved briskly about the platform, jerking the mike cord as he went.
Then he moved to one side, getting wound up in the cord and nearly tripping
before jerking it again. After several circles and jerks, a little girl
in the third pew leaned toward her mother and whispered, "If he gets loose,
will he hurt us?"
Six-year
old Angie and her four-year old brother Joel were sitting together in church.
Joel giggled, sang, and talked out loud. Finally, his big sister had had
enough. "You're not supposed to talk out loud in church."
"Why?
Who's going to stop me?" Joel asked.
Angie
pointed to the back of the church and said, "See those two men standing
by the door?
They're
hushers."
A
mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin, 5, Ryan, 3. The boys
began to argue over who would get the first pancake. Their mother saw the
opportunity for a moral lesson. "If Jesus were sitting here, He would say
'Let my brother have the first pancake, I can wait.'
Kevin
turned to his younger brother and said, "Okay Ryan, you be Jesus!"
A
father was at the beach with his children when the four-year old son ran
up to him, grabbed his hand, and led him to the shore, where a seagull
lay dead in the sand. "Daddy, what happened to him?" the son asked.
"He
died and went to Heaven," the dad replied.
The
boy thought a moment and then said, "Did God throw him back down?"
After
the church service a little boy told the pastor, "When I grow up, I'm going
to give you some money."
"Well,
thank you," the pastor replied, "But why?"
"Because
my daddy says you're one of the poorest preachers we've ever had."
A
wife invited some people to dinner. At the table, she turned to their six-year
old daughter and said, "Would you like to say the blessing?"
"I
wouldn't know what to say," the girl replied.
"Just
say what you hear Mommy say," the wife answered.
The
daughter bowed her head and said, "Lord, why on earth did I invite all
these people to dinner?"
A
Sunday school class was studying the Ten Commandments. They were ready
to discuss the last one. The teacher asked if anyone could tell her what
it was. Susie raised her hand, stood tall, and quoted, "Thou shall not
take the covers off the neighbor's wife."
A
little boy was attending his first wedding.
After
the service, his cousin asked him, "How many women can a man marry?"
"Sixteen,"
the boy responded.
His
cousin was amazed that he had an answer so quickly. "How do you know
that?"
"Easy,"
the little boy said. "All you have to do is add it up, like the Bishop
said: 4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer."
After
a church service on Sunday morning, a young boy suddenly announced to his
mother, "Mom, I've decided to become a minister When I grow up."
"That's
okay with us, but what made you decide that?"
"Well,"
said the little boy, "I have to go to church on Sunday anyway, and I figure
it will be more fun to stand up and yell, than to sit and listen."
A
6-year-old was overheard reciting the Lord's Prayer at a church service:
"And forgive us our trash passes, as we forgive those who passed trash
against us."
A
boy was watching his father, a pastor, write a sermon. "How do you
know what to say?" he asked.
"Why,
God tells me."
"Oh,
then why do you keep crossing things out?"
A
little girl became restless as the preacher's sermon dragged on and on.
Finally, she leaned over to her mother and whispered, "Mommy, if we give
him the money now, will he let us go?"
After
the christening of his baby brother in church, little Johnny sobbed all
the way home in the back seat of the car. His father asked him three times
what was wrong.
Finally,
the boy replied, "That priest said he wanted us brought up in a Christian
home, and I want to stay with you guys!"
Terri
asked her Sunday School class to draw pictures of their favorite Bible
stories. She was puzzled by Kyle's picture, which showed four people on
an airplane, so she asked him which story it was meant to represent.
The
Flight to Egypt, was his reply.
Pointing
at each figure, Ms. Terri said, "That must be Mary, Joseph, and Baby Jesus,
But who is the fourth person?
Oh,
that's Pontius-the pilot.
The
Sunday School Teacher asks, "Now, Johnny, tell me frankly do you say prayers
before eating?"
"No
sir," little Johnny replies, "I don't have to. My Mom is a good cook."
A
college drama group presented a play in which one character would stand
on a trap door and announce, "I descend into hell!"
A
stagehand below would then pull a rope, the trapdoor would spring, and
the actor would drop from view.
The
play was well received. When the actor playing the part became ill, another
actor who was quite overweight took his place. When the new actor
announced, "I descend into hell!" the stagehand pulled the rope, and the
actor began his plunge, but became hopelessly stuck. No amount of
tugging on the rope could make him descend.
One
student in the balcony jumped up and yelled: "Hallelujah! Hell is full!"
Pastor
Dave Charlton tells us, "After a worship service at First Baptist Church
in Newcastle, Kentucky, a mother with a fidgety seven-year old boy told
me how she finally got her son to sit still and be quiet. About halfway
through the sermon, she leaned over and whispered, 'If you don't be quiet,
Pastor Charlton is going to lose his place and will have to start his sermon
all over again!'
It
worked."
One
Sunday in a Midwest city, a young child was "acting up" during the morning
worship hour. The parents did their best to maintain some sense of order
in the pew but were losing the battle. Finally, the father picked the little
fellow up and walked sternly up the aisle on his way out. Just before reaching
the safety of the foyer, the little one called loudly to the congregation,
"Pray for me! Pray for me!"
READY FOR MORE?
CHURCH HUMOR - PART
TWO
