DEALING WITH GRIEF
or being a survivor
My husband, Bill, suggested
that I tell the readers of JaredStory.com why I'm doing all this work on
the internet, ...I mean, I'm not paid or anything. And some people
might judge that I'm wasting my time and could be doing a hundred other
things with my life.
one (1#) way to deal with grief when losing a loved one is to do a project,
in my case, doing
a web page is the number one way I have helped myself deal with
my sadness and grief over losing my son, Jared. There is
really no order (as to which is the best way) to "dealing with grief" and
no one way of dealing with grief is better than another. Every hurting
parent or child deals with grief differently. I plan to write as many ideas
as I can think of, but I will not initially have a long list of ways to
deal with grief written down when I upload this page. I will add
more ideas as I get them. Maybe those of you who have suffered with grief
as I have can give me your best way to get through the process of grieving.
Never believe that
grief and "getting over it" is the same thing. I'm sorry to say that
you never "get over it", you just deal with losing and how you deal
with losing a child or loved one is what life is all about. As I have said
in The Meaning
of Life page, your loved one is in a very nice place. They are OK and
it's nice in "The New Birth"
of Heaven. But we are left behind with all the memories, (some good, some
bad), and we can make of them what we want.
Sometimes we are angry about
the way our child left this world. We can choose to be angry, that's OK.
Remember that Jesus Christ was angry with the moneychangers in the Temple,
so anger, in and of itself is not a sin. It's the purpose of the anger
that could be a sin. If anger is vented to "get even" or to satisfy the
vengeance of your hurt inside, you are not dealing with you grief, you
are giving yourself and other's stress that will kill your spirit and body.
Your health will decline, people will avoid you, and you won't be able
to pray. You will suffer loss of concentration and common sense. What you
have left, your family and friends, will hurt too and they will suffer
even more if anger isn't vented into a positive way.
So what could be positive about
anger. MADD (Mother's Against Drunk Driver's) is one good
example of an organization that was begun out of anger. And see all the
good they have done and the laws they have influenced. How about
all the Suicide Prevention groups, and the groups to help people deal with
Depression. Good things can happen from bad events.
In business we are told to develop
streams of income. In the grieving process I would advise that we create
ventings of grief".
many favorite singers and movie stars are idolized long after their death.
As an example, Elvis Presley has a fan club that continues to memorialized
him in their daily activities.
My child is more important to me than
feel guilty doing any project that helps me remember Jared. No matter
what others might say, I will grieve or memorialize him any way I wish.
Never feel guilty for the way you memorialize your loved one if you can
feel better because of it. And shame on the unfeeling person
who judges how you grieve.
can also find inspiration by researching other people who have gone
through similar experiences.
about the family member or friend who is gone. Talk about all the
fun or cute or nice things the person did, or that you remember in connection
to him/her. ...It probably seems to OBVIOUS to most. ...I am
experiencing a real blackout where my sister is concerned. Everyone
is avoiding the topic of Pattie, and I need more than anything else to
remember her with words -- not merely with thoughts and tears. She
was such an EXCEPTIONAL person that she deserves a lot of words, happy
and nostalgic and longing words, celebratory and very, very loving words.
Love to you good people." Annette
have a web site that I'm trying to start a business with. The poems
I send are to families that are suicide survivors. It is my way of dealing
with my son death. Joanne
young man man deals with his grief, from losing his best friend, by writing
poetry - The
Little Flower - by Ryan
a quilt out of your child's clothes...
website talks about making quilts from old t-shirts. I have a
box full of Jared's t-shirts and I plan to do just that. If you have
done such a thing, I would be really pleased if we could post a picture
of you quilt on this page. Just send it in - and tell me how hard
it is to do :-). Below is an email from someone using baseball jerseys...
"I am having one made from
Josh's ball jerseys when he played ball and a couple of his favorite Nirvana
T-shirts. I am also including my surviving son's "blankie" when he was
a baby. A dear friend of mine is doing mine...I can't wait to get it done
and wrap myself in it..:)"
"My friend lost her husband
on 4/13 to a horrific automobile accident. He is survived by 2 children
who are 4 and 7. I want to bring over some things to
let them know that there are people who care about how they are doing.
I was thinking about some little snacks, a gift for a massage for the wife/mom.
I was trying to think of a project for the kids. I could give
them supplies, and let them proceed as they feel the need. I like
the idea you shared for a treasure box." Penny (who is
concerned about some friends)
were both really struck with your idea of families who 'fall out of love
because of the love that was lost'. We know that is what has happened
and we are really going to try to do something about it.
both realized that not only do we rarely speak of our sweet brother, but
that there is not one picture of him in our parents home! How sad
is that - after 7 years, it's almost as if he were never here at all.
We have decided to try to start some kind of "family circle" - some
kind of a discussion group for all of us to finally talk
about what has happened - that way we can eventually get to where we can
talk and enjoy our memories of him." Jessica
Keep the BALANCE
in your life!
There, Done That'
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Meaning of Life
A HEALTHY BALANCE