need compassionate and understanding help. Who can understand another person's
pain better than one who has experienced it himself or has seen a loved
one go through it. Don't be afraid to cry with someone that
needs to cry to someone. We need each other, and we heal better
from our pain when serving others because we don't think of our problems.
Start a safety program.
I recently heard a woman on television talking about her child drowning
in an unsafe area of a river. She has started a safety program to inform
people of the hazards of some river area's and posted signs warning of
the hazards. She found a project that may save other parents from loosing
a child on an unsafe river.
Donate money to help someone else with
their project. Memorials can be
made to just about any cause you can think of. A women in our area is helping
to raise the funds for a playground, because her child enjoyed spending
time in fun places, like playgrounds.
Endowment Funds and Scholarships.
universities and their students could use financial help. A person could
give, in their loved ones name, directly to the university of their choice
in the form of an endowment, or set up a scholarship fund in your child's
name through the university.
Become a "Santa" for a child in need.
We used the money we would of spent on Jared for Christmas and bought presents
for other children. We received the joy and satisfaction of giving to children
in need, and we know the little children who received the presents were
Find a way to preserve your loved one's
memory though their possessions.
I've heard of a loved one's shoe being made into a planter or book stops.
What a clever idea. Be creative!
Make a quilt out of your child's clothes.
I have put aside Jared's T-shirts because when I have time I will make
a quilt out of them.
Make a quilt out of your child's sheets.
Now that's a strange one, unless, of course, your child had baseball sheets,
like mine did. Hey, you can make a quilt out of just about anything, if
there's enough of it. Now that I think about it, I think I'll make one
side of the quilt with T-shirts and one side with sheets. How fun!
Do photo book projects.
Cover every aspect of your child's life. And if you don't have a photo
of your child doing something they enjoyed, draw one yourself or cut one
out of a magazine. Have fun doing your photo books. There are many places
you can go for help and ideas. Creative
Memories, a home business that specializes in making creative photo
Albums, has classes that you can attend to help you create the perfect
memorials for your loved one. And on the web, check out Keeping
Memories Alive , specializing in scrapbook supplies. Don't forget the
silly homework papers and little awards your child brought home. All these
little "treasures" that you find around the house as you spring clean can
go into a little project, some time or other.
Do a deep clean on your house.
Now that sounds really strange. But I find that cleaning really can be
therapy when I'm feeling a bit down. And just when you don't expect
it you find something that belonged to your child and WOW you are so delighted,
like you found a nugget of gold. I found a toy sheriff's badge with
Jared's name on it when cleaning out a living room desk. What beautiful
memories that brought me. I can just imagine my little Jared as a five
year old pretending to be a cowboy with his sheriff's badge of honor, usually
upside down, on his plaid shirt.
Attend a Compassionate Friends (TCF)
Chapter - I add this separately
because in most cases, you will be able to connect up with this group easier.
There are more TCF Chapters than SOS groups. Because of this, there are
more people in the Chapter to communicate with. You will find, after attending
TCF, that it doesn't matter how or what caused your child's death, the
loss of your child left a big hole in your heart , just like everyone
else in the group. Compassion and understanding for others will help you
deal with your own loss.
Go for a walk - Take your
dog if you've got one and enjoy some deep breathing as you hike a trail.
I wanted to keep myself healthy, for myself and the other members of our
family so I continued to walk in the morning at our local mall. And I sometimes
cried as I walked, but it was OK, I felt better from both the crying and
Give a friend a call.
of a person who makes you happy and pick up the phone.
ear and grief, is like chicken soup and the flu, everyone always seems
to feel better after having it.
Take a warm, long bath.
one is easy but no one ever wants to take the time. When a person is feeling
sad, a little time is a small investment for a feeling of peacefulness.
Water and warmth create peacefulness, after all, we spent nine months in
our mother's womb in these same conditions. My babies all seemed to enjoy
themselves, (even if I wasn't).
Write your child's life history.
Sit down as a family and talk about your loved one and the fun things you
did together, and if your child was very young (a small baby) when they
went to heaven, include the months in pregnancy. I can remember how Jared
was especially active, like he was playing basketball or jumping on a trampoline
or something. The memories of your loved one deserve to be remembered by