About Jared and his suicide
"Hi I am a student from U-32
Jr/Sn school and my language arts teacher has given us a project to do.
The project is to ask an question that is really personal and try to find
the answer. I was hoping that maybe I could ask a few questions for my
research. I can't even imagine how it must feel to have to deal with the
loss of a child but I have had a close experience with suicide with
my friend, and I thought that we could relate somewhat and I thought it
would be easier to interview that knows how it feels to lose a child, so
I could understand more about suicide. If you would it would help me so
much if you could answer these few questions, and if you have any questions
you don't want to answer feel free to not answer them, but your help will
be greatly appreciated..."
1. Later on, after grieving time
has elapsed do you remember any signs of the fact that your child might
commit suicide? It's rare when the answer is no but we had
no clue that Jared was going to die by suicide. Jared never told
us how he was feeling. On the other hand, we did notice that Jared
had some signs of depression, but we didn't know that depression could
lead to suicide.
2. If there were any signs that
you remember, what were they and do you think that other people would
have disregarded the signs, too? The signs of depression for
Jared were, sleep problems, stress, couldn't concentrate, stomach problems
that came with nervous situations, and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder after
the assault inside his middle school by a bully. I don't think there
are many people who will know the signs of depression but most people can
feel that something is wrong, they just don't know that it's called depression.
3. Do you think that there is
anything you could have done to prevent him committing suicide?
Yes, if we had known about the signs of depression we may have been able
to get him the counseling he needed. Also, if the School District
hadn't of blatantly blamed Jared for his own assault
then his emotional self-esteem probably wouldn't of plunged so low.
4. How did your child commit
suicide and did you ever find out why? (Okay,
I'm thinking, "Is this person judgmental? Will they blame the method of
suicide over the mental of suicide...") Answer: My son
shot himself and died instantly. We knew on that day that Jared had
become depressed because of the assault inside his middle school by the
bully. There is a good book that helped us understand his depression
called, Suicide, the Forever Decision by Dr. Paul Quinnett.
This would be excellent reading for people who think about suicide as an
option for their problems.
5. How did your family deal with
the grieving? It's the worst experience that any family could
imagine going through. What makes it worse than a car accident or
Cancer is just asking, "Why didn't he give us a chance to help him?"
In time we all went through the different stages of grief and moved into
healing, forgiveness and understanding.
6. What are some signs that people
are in that state of depression, and how can people help prevent suicide?
The best place to read about the signs of depression is: http://www.jaredstory.com/depression_causes.html
In my opinion the best way to prevent suicide is to know what the "triggers"
to depression are and what causes depression. No one ever wakes up
in the morning and decides to die. Something happens that changes
them. Be sure and read the depression link, it might save a life
someday. I hope you get the A you want. Always do your best,
...that's the best anyone can ever ask of you.
For those who are researching for school
papers, here are several places on my site that you can get some good information.
* This is the best information (in my opinion)
for the prevention of depression and suicide. If everyone knew the
information on these pages I think suicides could drop considerably.
Go get your A!
"(I am) ...a 15 year old
from Mount Desert Island, in Southwest Harbor, ME. I was wondering
if I could ask you a few questions for a civic project..."
Here are my best answers for
1. Are people that talk about
more likely to commit suicide if so why?
Yes. When people talk
about wanting to die by suicide they are asking for help or attention for
what's bothering them. Even joking about suicide should be taken
seriously. Its rare that someone wouldn't talk about suicide first
before attempting the act because no one really wants to die. It's
natural to fear death. Talking about suicide is a cry for help.
2. Why do people commit suicide?
The number one cause of suicide
is from depression. Depression is a disease that causes a cloud over the
mind taking away all common sense and thoughts of the future. There
are many triggers that can cause depression, emotional, chemical or physical.
Being aware of triggers
(injuries, sudden loss, major embarrassment, drugs, etc.) can help prevent
and treat depression. "Anything that
happens to the thinking within the brain, such as injury or bad learning
experiences that can interfere with serotonins ability to keep basic instincts
in line." Cardell Smith, Psychologist.
There are other reasons people
die by suicide but in every case there is a trigger. As an example:
A person robs a bank, is chased by police and dies by suicide before he
can be taken into custody. The trigger > Guilt or fear after robbing
a bank. A deeper trigger might be "bad learning experiences" while growing
up that caused him to think that he could rob a bank in the first place.
3. Why are men more likely to
commit suicide than women?
There are two major reasons:
a) Men pick deadlier tools, such as guns, cars, and ropes. Women
primarily choose pills, which can give them (or someone else) time to change
the outcome. b) Men and women's brains are wired differently.
Men don't ask directions OR ask for help, but women are more social creatures
and are likely to seek help before doing anything drastic.
4. Do you think that assisted
suicide is ethical to do and why?
No. Only people who hate life
would think there was anything good about dying before their God given
time is up. Today, with all the medicines and medical research available
there is no reason for a terminally ill person to feel any pain, even to
the moment of death. There are Hospice House's out there that take
dying patients and give tender loving care up until the last moment of
breath. Even those last moments are precious to families who understand
that living on this earth is the sweetest gift we can ever have.
5. Why are firearms the most
common way to commit suicide?
I'm not sure they are the most
common way people die. A Chaplain once told me that I would be surprised
at how many car accidents were believed to be suicides and not accidents,
but they are not reported as such to spare the families, or can't be proven
as a suicide.
However, that being said, depression
is a cloud... when a person chooses a gun as a method to die, they are
so far into that cloud that they do not want to return to life.
Under this "cloud" the suicidal person believes that this method is the
most swift and painless.
For those who are against guns,
for any reason, let me comment that every American has the right to possess
firearms under 2nd Amendment in The Constitution. However, if a child,
teen or adult is known to be clinically depressed it would be prudent to
lock up these types of weapons, along with all prescription drugs.
Unfortunately, if a person is
determined to die it would be impossible to lock up every devise, and deadly
tool that can be used to take ones life. If you looked around the
room you are sitting in right now you could easily see dozens of things
that could be used to hurt yourself. That's why it's important
to get proper medical and mental health help. (And
if you start looking for things that would hurt you, right now...
You need help. Get help!)
6. Why do so many couples think
that if they commit suicide together than they will be happier?
There is something dysfunctional
within a relationship that would cause a couple to feel this way.
Either one or the other, or both, have clinical depression and convinces
the other that they are reasoning properly, OR their relationship is not
supported by others they love and this causes Anxiety, stress and irrational
decisions, such as thoughts of suicide to solve their dilemma.
7. Why do people look at suicide
as horrible thing?
There is a book full of reasons
that people shun suicide. I believe that the biggest reason of all
is that it's natural for every living person to fear death so suicide is
looked at as an unnatural act. Other reasons might be religious beliefs,
that condemn suicide or cultural and environmental teachings that look
at suicide as a cowardly act.
These "other reasons" are beginning
to change as people understand the mind of depression and the triggers
that cause depression. ...But, as compared to growing old, having
a good life and dying in my sleep; suicide IS a horrible thing.
8. What's the most common used
drug that people use to commit suicide and why?
(What I'm thinking is, "Why
are you asking this question?" - People who think about suicide ask this
question so if you are thinking of suicide, get help!)
...My Answer: I'm not sure here. My guess is that it's still Sleeping
Pills. But, with properly prescribed prescription medicines becoming
the third leading cause of death in the U. S. this would be hard to pin
down, especially with the rising suicide rate among senior citizens and
misuse of legal and illegal drugs amongst teenagers.
Hope this helps you get your