Feb. 27 - "G" says...
"First i want to say sorry... i know that doesn't do
much for you but i too have felt the pain of death multiple times.. it
seems like he was such a happy kid do you guys know why he committed suicide???"
was a very happy young man but an assault inside his Middle School by a
changed him. He began to loose sleep and become withdrawn and depressed.
Unfortunately, we didn't know that he had depression
or that he was thinking about suicide. We wished he would of cared
enough about us to ask for our help, but that's the curse of depression...
they just don't think right. I guess that's why I've done JaredStory.com,
to help other's see the impact that suicide has on everyone around them.
Doing the website has also been a healing project for me. I'm sorry
to hear that you've been through the pain of loosing loved ones too.
Death is so hard to understand and I always wonder why God allowed Jared
to come home at such a young age...
he had so much to live for.
I'm sure you feel the same about those you love too. I wish you well,
and peace, in your lifelong healing.)
Feb. 26 - Stacey says...
"I just got on the internet looking up suicide and
came up with your email address. I, too lost someone very close to me due
to suicide. I lost my brother almost 9 mo. ago (June 7, 2000). ...He was
an honor student who had just graduated from high school the week before.
That's the last time I ever saw him. Right now I am almost not even in
my right mind, but I would like to help other people. I think if they heard
and felt my pain they would never do it to themselves, or their family
and friends. I am 20 years old, and away at college, and this is the hardest
thing ever to happen to me. The first couple months it wasn't "real", but
now it is, and it kills me. I am not suicidal and will never be, but something
like this happening in your life makes you think. I don't know your pain,
as a parent, but as the best friend/sister I grieve. ...I want you
to know that there is love for you and your family from us in Texas.
My mom and I, we are the only left in our family, wish you the best from
family to family. My mom struggles and I feel horribly because I live 100
miles away and can't be there every second. I see her most weekends but
its not enough. I feel like everything around me has fallen. I lost so
much of me when he died, and for the rest of my life I will live through
him..." (My daughter Sonja went threw the very
same thing you are going through and she was 19 and 4 mo when Jared died.
She was also in college at the time Jared died and went back after we had
the funeral. I think Sonja had the hardest time of all the siblings
because they were the oldest and youngest and there was a special bond.)
Feb. 25 - Casebolt family says...
"I wanted to tell you how much I found your website
helpful and informative. It is a beautiful tribute to Jared, and you have
done an excellent job! My story of survival started July 2,2000 when my
beautiful oldest nephew, Tim, took his life with a rifle at age 15. Never
had I been more devastated, hurt or helpless. ...As all teens, he couldn't
wait to get his license, my husband and I were giving him his first car.
He wanted that car so badly and loved to "make" me take him for drives!
Like almost all the stories we hear, he had 'everything' going for him...
then it was all gone. Dearly I miss him ....All I want is for him
to call me on the phone and tell me he was just teasing.... he's really
here! We have started a foundation "The TAD Foundation" (Talk
About Decisions... and Tim's initials) and a support group, "Hope's Path"
...it has been a great way to start healing and to make a tiny difference
in getting awareness out there. It has amazed me how little people understand
or WANT to understand this horrible tragedy. Your website was an
awesome tribute to your son.... and when we get ours going, I'll let you
know..." (I hope by visiting my site it has helped
you heal, just a little bit. I'm sorry to hear about your nephew,
Tim, and I hope your family has come closer together, in support of each
other. It's a time to grow close and communicate about how each member
is feeling; and stay away from personal blame and hurtful words.)
Feb. 22 Lorna says...
"...I live in Australia and we lost our darling son
who was suffering depression
and we never knew. He took his life on the 15th November 1997.
I have been living on the edge ever since and this terrible tragedy has
changed the course of my life. Jody was 30 year old and a great athlete
and he was the youngest of 5 children. He withdrew from the family
for 3 years before he died and just wouldn't come home. My husband
and I are trying to get through each day as best we can. I have written
a book about him because he deserved some sort of memorial. It a
story about depression really, because looking back now on his life, I
am sure he suffered from depression all his life. I in my ignorance
had no idea that depression was fatal then, but I have leaned the hard
way, we all knew Jody was different to the others , we just stupidly thought
that was the way he was, very sad, low self esteem, self hatred, happy
occasionally. I would love to hear Jared's story. Jody was a perfectionist
and he never thought he was good enough at anything he did, he worked out
every day of his adult life, never smoked a cigarette in his life, he won
all the awards possible for football in the area and after being offered
to play in bigger leagues he turned them down because he couldn't cope
mentally with being away from home I think. I have leaned more about
our darling son now he is dead than when he was alive, by reading about
depression and suicide, and realizing he had all the symptoms of (endogenous
depression)." (We didn't know that Jared
had depression either, but we knew that something was wrong after he was
inside his middle school by a bully. Up until that time Jared was
a happy-go-lucky boy. I also have learned more about Jared since
he died. I have learned to cherish all my memories with him and when
I feel sad I try to visualize him in Heaven doing all the fun things he
liked to do... and happy. Sometimes I wonder about how things like
this can happen to anyone, let alone our family... everything was so perfect.
Now we are in a dream all the time, thinking of what could of been if he
had not died. We are survivors who understand other survivors.
I hope you have more peaceful days ahead as you continue your lifelong
Feb. 16 - Sarah says...
"...I am 25 yrs old. On November 10th 2000, my youngest
brother Andrew took his own life. He was 16. I am having a very hard time
understanding how to deal with losing him. My family is the type
to just 'sweep it under the rug' and not discuss any serious matter. We
lost my sister in 1984, she was 12. And like I said, we never discussed
it. Now I am at a point where I have blocked off any feelings. I haven't
cried, yelled or really express how this has effected me. My brother and
I were very close, and I am feeling really guilty about this. I am afraid
that I too will soon be, or already am, affected by depression. I tried
to talk to my boyfriend about how I felt and he ended up breaking up with
me because he didn't know what to say to me, or what to do. I am
afraid now to talk to my friends because I don't want to bring them down
and have them leave me too. I looked into some support groups, but I live
in Olympia, WA and the only one around here meets once a month. Do you
have any advice on how to cope/understand more about this? I have a 7 yr.
old son and I want to be the best mom I can to him, but this is definitely
making it hard for me to do so." (I'm sorry you
are going through your grief alone. ...It's been over two years since
Jared died and because we have been open with each other we can now talk
about Jared in our regular conversations. I would suggest to you
that you might help your family by talking about Andrew. For awhile,
don't talk about the suicide, but talk about some of the things Andrew
did that were pleasant or funny. Take it slowly and in time, as everyone
begins to deal with his life and death, then you can begin to deal with
the way he died. Never deny that it was a suicide. When friends
ask how he died... spit the words out. It was a suicide caused from
depression. Think about how people die for a few minutes. If
a person smokes and gets Cancer, what makes that person's death any more
"honorable" or acceptable than dying by suicide caused by depression?
I'll tell you what, when a person is depressed because they were mentally
unbalanced and they kill themselves, I can understand that better than
when a person smokes for 40 years and knows it's killing them and then
they die by Cancer. I mean, isn't that suicide too? Only, they
knew that they were killing themselves, they were mentally competent.
So goes many diseases that man kills themselves with. some Heart
problems = overeating, Diabetes = overeating, some Liver failure = too
much alcohol. I guess there are acceptable ways to die, but not everyone
is lucky enough to die in their sleep in their old age. At some time
in your life you will begin to heal, but not until you have come to terms
with your brother's death. ...I would suggest that you see a spiritual
counselor at some time. This was the turning point in our life when
we were dealing with Jared's death. We needed to know that Jared
is okay and that God didn't think anything less of him because of the way
he died. I wrote an article that you might like to read sometime
do those who die by suicide go. I've had a few people tell me
that this article has helped them to understand the spiritual nature of
death in relation to suicide. Also you might find some peace by reading
some spiritual books. There is a list of good books to read at:
http://www.jaredstory.com/HeavenBooks.html As far as your
"boyfriend" is concerned, it's my opinion that if he can't handle your grieving
process then it's best that you start looking for someone else to share your
life with. That was a good test for your relationship and he failed the
test. The more open you are about your brother's death the better off you
and all of your friends will be. If you try to hide what happened they
will be uncomfortable about talking to you. It may appear that you are
losing friends but the truth is that they just don't know what to say to you.
If you say "it" (the suicide word) first than they are more at ease. Sure
they will be taken back, but then they will admire you for being bold enough to
talk about what happened to you.)
Feb. 15 - Alice says...
"...I am honestly not sure why I am up late and e-mailing
you. I was actually searching for herbal products on the web.
I have a son 2 yrs and 7 yrs and maybe God Guided me to you for some words
of wisdom, I don't know. I have actually been fearful that my 7 yr.
old will hurt himself or be beyond control with his emotions and behavior.
I pray, pray and pray that I can stay consistent in disciplining him.
I believe that he needs some sort of supplement or something. He
has had 2 major blows to his head and that makes me nervous. What
should I look for in his personality that would indicate suicide even at
his young age...? My intuitive nature is worried.. Thanks for
reading on.. God Bless you and your family. Maybe I just needed an
ear." (You are a wise woman and a dutiful
mother to be searching for help for your son. My guess is that you
already have a good knowledge of healthy foods and what foods to avoid
for children with health (or depression) problems. Be sure and read
the section in JaredStory.com, about
Depression. Christine Pedersen is a very knowledgeable nutrition
expert. Also be sure and read my article concerning the
causes of depression (triggers), what to look for in symptoms and the
signs of suicide. If you are worried about your son at this young
of age then there is cause for concern. It might be good to get your
son in to see a Child Therapist so he can be put on a healthy "mind path".
A spiritual adviser might be good for him too. If you live in America
you might consider putting your son in the cub scouts. This organization
is excellent at developing healthy self-concepts. ...I wish you and your
family the very best of life and happiness.)
Feb. 14 - Shawn says...
"I just visited your site. I was looking for an excuse
or permission to commit suicide. ...I am so sorry for your loss. I do not
want to put those around me in such pain. I cried after watching the video
of your son on the trampoline. I can tell you I am not an emotional person,
but your website effected me. I have worked as a psych tech in an acute
psychiatric hospital in the child / adolescent unit as well as a Child
Development Counselor at a Residential Treatment Facility serving severely
emotionally disturbed youth. My job is often to prevent suicide. Yet I
have been feeling so depressed and close to suicide myself lately. I even
wrote all the notes and obtained the means. I know all the warning signs,
and about the help available, etc... but this is me and I am an adult (21)
and it is different. I cannot seek professional help, due to my career
and that I know there is no magic wand. ...I am so scared and in such pain.
...I don't know what to do. Your website was a great help and provided
some peace. I will try to make it though another day." (I
know how you feel about getting help. I have a degree in Psychology
and I'm suppose to know it all about people,... only I didn't know what
the signs of suicide were enough to help Jared. ...Do you remember
what caused you to become depressed? Sometimes coming to terms with the
past can help alleviate the stress that caused your depression. If
you don't feel comfortable seeing a Doctor maybe seeing a Chiropractor
or a Nature Path might help. No one has to know about them, and Chiropractors
are great at relieving Stress. Also, I'm sure you've heard about
St. John's Wart and SAM-e. SAM-e is more powerful so try the Wart
first. Be careful to follow the instructions and don't mix them with
other medicines or herbs. ...I always tell people who are depressed
to see a doctor but if you can't do that then try some of the ideas I've
mentioned to you. And try very hard to improve how you feel about
yourself. ...Read uplifting books and listen to self improvement
tapes. ...Find something to uplift you as you go back and forth to
work, at least until you have climbed out of your depression. I have
a daughter who is 21 years old. Even though you are very grown up
and on your own, it's still a hard time, a maturing time in life.
Try not to let the stresses of the world overcome you. Take time to relax
and see all the wonders of the world you were born to. Count your
blessings every day and you will begin to see the purpose of your life...)
Feb. 14 - Erin says...
"...I'm a 16 year old girl from Australia, who is constantly
dealing with the pain of depression. I was looking up suicide on the net
when I came across your site and I have been deeply touched and moved by
your web site. I suppose I have a fairly good life, in the way that, although
my parents are divorced, They both love me, even if my mum has difficulty
showing this. My little sister is also wonderful. I have all the creature
comforts I require, I'm well fed and properly clothed. I have an amazing
group of friends, without whom, I would not be here. Many times I have
seriously contemplated suicide. This has happened for the last few years,
but increasingly so within the last 12 months. Last year I found out a
lot of shocking truths about my past, which I had once believed to be simply
and imagined nightmare. I was deeply distressed by this and believed that
there was no way of making my life better. The pain became too tough and
I knew that if I didn't tell someone, I'd die. So, I confided in my best
friend. She helped me out and helped me to go and see my school councilor.
The councilor helped a bit, but I didn't tell her that I was suicidal.
Still, I would go home every day and bawl my eyes out. ...Every time I
have a bad couple of days, I find myself falling rapidly back into the
black hole of depression, but as long as I have my best friend, and a little
bit of something to hold onto, I think I'll be okay. Your web page made
me cry... I don't want to do this to people, I don't want to hurt them...
but I still can't say that I don't want hurt myself... (I'm
sorry to read about the pain you have been through. Depression
is a hard thing to endure for one so young... for anyone. If
you can get some professional help you may begin to feel a lot better but
you will need to open up to someone first. Do you think you can get
the courage to tell your mom what you are going through and thinking about?
In our case, Jared never said a word about wanting to die. We had
no warning. What I feel sad about the most is that he didn't love
me enough to come and talk to me. I knew he was having problems (caused
by an assault by a
bully inside his middle school) but I didn't know it was called depression
and that depression could lead to suicide. I hope you won't do this
to your family, and especially to your sister who needs you. Life
is worth living and it's worth fighting for a happy life. Go find
a way to become happy. Don't give up. You are special and more
loved than you can ever imagine.)
12 - A Parent says...
"I would like to have some advise
about this case, my wife and my other daughter are suffering emotionally.
We don't know what to do. They ask too many questions, they even sent the
cops to my apartment without permission or a least to let me know what's
is going on. Please we need your help." (Document
everything - Write multiple letters to School Board Members, the Superintendent,
The Principal of the school and your State Representatives. Demand
action! Also, consider calling a lawyer... and don't believe that school
officials care about your child. They don't, unless you are rich.
I speak from experience. After Jared was assaulted
we tried to handle everything without the help of a lawyer. Big Mistake!
Now Jared is dead because of that assault and how the school district handled
Feb. 10 - Nicole says...
"...I've been well I don't know what you would call
it maybe a bit depressed. My parents really want me to go to a shrink.
I don't really think it's necessary. A lot of kids my age (15) experience
depression... I know I'm not unique to it...
and later - I haven't
had the net very long, since about the end of November, but ever since
I got it the number one thing I spent the most time searching for and reading
about was suicide and depression. I'm really interested in knowing
more about it. OK see here's the thing, my parents don't know what's
wrong with me. They just think it's, i don't know, maybe part of
my growing up stage. ...My parents don't know. I don't know
if I'm quite at the stage of being suicidal or if I've already passed it. I have
no idea what is happening. ...in English class I wrote about suicide.
We had choices about what to write about and I felt that I could really
relate to the one that read "feelings that cause people to harm themselves".
...That and another paper made my english teacher realize that I was "suicidal".
...I don't eat a lot. I haven't eaten lunch on a regular basis since
gr. 7. All I really eat is dinner. ...I only basically had
one person to talk to. ...During that time I spent a lot of time
alone. That's when I did a lot of cutting. I had no one to get help
from... SO I have no one to talk to. That's where the
net came in hand because then I could talk to people who could relate to
me. ...I think I do know what cause the depression. It's just that
it took time for me to really realize that I was depressed. I've
never had a great social life with friends. Everybody likes me but
I've ...been betrayed. I think it started back in gr. 7. ...I
also wanted to ask you... Ever since I can remember I haven't felt
good. What I mean by that is that on the inside I haven't felt good.
I've always had pain in the abdominal and bowel parts. It's really
strange. At school and to this day right now I feel pain sometimes
it's really bad. I just try not to think about it. I remember
in like gr. 7 or something I started to constantly feel sick like
everyday. But what do you do... Stay home everyday. Anyway
do you have any idea about what it may be? I didn't know if you might've
heard of something like it." (When you get a chance
go to my article in Jaredstory.com about depression, http://www.jaredstory.com/depression_causes.html
and read it and maybe it will help you see what
is happening to you. Maybe the teenage body changes and stress became
overwhelming to you and it triggered your depression... or maybe it was
something else. ...Wow, I can't believe you haven't seen a doctor
about your medical problem. It could be serious, like a appendicitis
or something. Also, with all the
stress you are going through
it could be an ulcer. After Jared was assaulted
he had some of the same problems you described.... He would complain
about stomach pains when he'd get nervous about things. I think it
was due to stress mostly. ...people get depressed when they are in
pain for long periods of time. Maybe if you can find out what this
problem is and take care of it then you can feel better and this will help
your depression go away. ...Just remember what I said about suicide,
it's a permanent solution to a temporary problem. You can get through
this hard time in your life. You may need to change your thinking
about some things but there are wonderful things ahead for you if you will
have some patience in yourself and belief in your abilities.)
Feb. 7 - Sara says...
"...i'm 14 years old, 2 years ago my best friend shot
herself in the head one night when she came over to my house to stay over,
she was the only person in my life that I had ever loved I loved her more
than my own parents, and now she is dead, a week after her suicide I found
a .22 and shot myself in the head, my twin sister heard
the shot and came in the bathroom and found me laying there in my own blood,
she call 911 and the doctors where able to save me but for 3 weeks I was
in a coma. I almost died, almost, I was so close, but they saved me, now
I am in a wheelchair I can no longer feel from my waist down, I am in support
groups and I'm taking pills for depression and suicide, I have been in
and out of mental wards and I have in the past couple of weeks taking up
carving. now I go to support group for that, I just wanted to let you know
I know how you must feel." (It just broke my heart
to hear your story. The pain, physical, emotional, and spiritual
must be very hard for you to bare. ...Have you tried some spiritual
counseling? That's what really helped Bill to get through his trauma
visions of Jared lying on the floor. He moved the trauma
vision to a spiritual vision
of Jared in Heaven. I did the same. Maybe it can help you?
I've e-mailed many "cutters"... Many of them tell me they do it for
stress relief and some because they feel better after punishing themselves
(which, is another type of stress relief). Work very hard to get
over this habit now before it gets worse. There are other ways to
release your stress, let your counselor help you find ways to do that...)
Feb. 6 - Dan says...
"Ah where to start, well I was just surfing around
and came to your website. Forgive me if I stop making sense for I have
not slept since Thursday night and It's early Tuesday morning already,
the joys of being an insomniac. Even worse a depressed insomniac at that.
The thing about not sleeping is that it gives you way too much time to
think, and without sleep I stop thinking logically and I think about the
past present and future way too much. These past few days came and went
with the usual suicidal plans, but as time passes so do the feelings. In
the past I've acted on those feelings, last semester I OD'd on a massive
amount of alcohol and roughly 230 ibuprofen pills. I came out of that with
divine intervention for I passed out and then I awoke and found myself
in the bathroom vomiting. I came in and out of consciousness and was sick
for a few days didn't go to the ER either. My original plan was to buy
a gun but found out that you need an in state drivers license which was
very good. Your website has given me hope for the future and I thank you."
minute you told me about your sleeping problem I knew that you had depression.
This is the one thing I can say about Jared... his sleeping problem was
a main cause for his suicide. Unfortunately, we didn't know that
sleeping problems can cause depression and worse, that depression might
cause a suicide. So, I'm begging you to find the cause of your
sleeping problems, see a doctor, get on some medication, whatever, so you
can feel better. This will be the first step at solving your depression
and for that matter it may cure your depression. Jared had
some other problems, caused from an assault,
but the sleep problem was really hard on him. If you
are a college student you may be able to get some free or cheap help from
the college. Don't fight your battles alone. I know that a
man's nature is to think they are so tough that they can handle anything
by themselves, but, you were put on this earth to be with other's, help
other's and let other's help you. Imagine a world where everyone
walks alone... I can't. Jared used a gun. It was effective,
...and it destroyed our lives. Don't do this to those who love and
care about you. Go get the help you need and find the happiness you
Feb. 2 - Leah says...
"I am nineteen years old. Like you, It is my
goal to help others. Today I searched through the internet to find
an organization or a person to help me to fulfill a promise I made in my
life. Since I was young, I have had emotionally unstable
friends. They seem to be attracted to me and gravitate my way.
I am one of the most stable people I know and have a very loving, supporting family. I am one of the lucky ones.
In every case, I have taken them in and loved them. They have become
my best friends. Yet over the past seven years, I have stopped at
least four of them from committing suicide. Two years ago, my cousin
died. ...Actually, she killed herself. Everything about it was wrong
and unlike her, but that is what suicide is. ...In most cases, you
would never know or expect it to happen. That is why it is so shocking
and so unbelievable and so unbelievably out of character. It is my
goal to go throughout the United States and talk to people about suicide.
I especially want to focus on teenagers because I understand the situation
from all sides. I do not want to lecture on suicide but present it
at a different angle. At the present moment, I am in college.
I am dedicated to this project, however, and I hope to accomplish it as
soon as possible. I have many ideas and hopes for this project, but
I have no idea how to go about accomplishing it. I hope that you
will be able to help me. I have so much more to say..."