If you're feeling suicidal
right now, please allow yourself enough time to finish this article. You've
spent years getting to where you are now, and no matter how bad your pain,
another few minutes is not much to ask.
What is Suicide?
Suicide. It's a blunt word that
describes a blunt and unlovely act. The taking of your own life. The ending
of your existence. The permanent removal of your presence from this planet
and the lives of those around you.
Why do people commit suicide?
I've read lots of articles on suicide,
as I've tried to come to terms with exactly what it is that drives an apparently
rational human being, sometimes someone who appears to be happy with everything
going for them, to take their own life. One thing that I've concluded is
that there are many different ways that someone can be driven to suicide.
One thing is for certain; suicidal
thoughts are always precipitated by long or short-term periods of emotional
or physical turmoil. However, those who attempt to commit suicide do not
always do so amidst a big fanfare of showy emotionalism. They don't always
mope around crying and sobbing before doing the deed. Sometimes suicidal
thoughts come as a small, quiet voice in the dead of the night. Not a huge
compulsion to do something terminal, but a quietly insistent suggestion
from some destructive and deceptive part of your brain. And other times,
suicidal thoughts come as a sudden impulse upon which people act before
they have time to realize that they're not being rational. Before they
realize that things won't always be as bad as they are now.
Sometimes such thoughts or compulsions
come as a result of chemical imbalances in your brain causing depression
and irrational thinking. Other times, they come as a result of emotional
or physical assaults such as the death of a family member, splitting up
with a partner, moving to a new, seemingly hostile town or school. Still
other times, suicidal thoughts may come as a result of publicity in the
media, from our peers or on the web.
I know it's not politically correct
to talk about this, but I'm of the belief that web rings dedicated to people
who've committed suicide, or to abused kids can actually place the thought
of suicide so uppermost in people's minds that they might see it as a viable
option ahead of getting counseling or talking to someone. My suggestion
to you is to stay well clear of these rings. They may have started out
as self healing, self-help
circles, but rather than elevating
the mood of the general community, they eat at everyone's psyche like a
cancer, painting a falsely negative picture of the world in which we live.
Bad things do happen in the world, but linking them all together into a
web-ring of misery serves no one.
(When asked about JaredStory.com,
Mat said, "Just to reassure you, no, I don't count you among the circle
of gloomy web sites. Yours is a wonderful, positive site dedicated to finding
the best in Jared's life and celebrating it, rather than miring yourself
in the misery of his death. ...Yours most certainly does not do that. It's
positive and upbeat, talking about healing for the wider community, not
public penance for yourself or castigation for someone else.")
One thing's for sure, although you
may still be able to add two and two and carry on the semblance of a normal
life when you're feeling suicidal, you are not, repeat NOT, thinking rationally.
That's the most important thing for you to realize. Just as a person who's
mildly intoxicated by alcohol is not aware of the slowing of his physical
reactions, someone in the midst of long-term depression or a momentary
life trauma is not fully
aware of the subtle distortions
in his or her thought patterns.
You need to realize that your thoughts
will return to normal eventually. If you've been so profoundly affected
by a situation, that you're having thoughts of ending your life, there
are medications that can help to stabilize your mood until your brain musters
its resources and you can think normally again. So you need to talk to
someone to get immediate help.
One of the manifestations of depression
is lethargy - you feel tired and you can't be bothered with anything. However,
don't let this feeling fool you into thinking that it's too much effort
to save your own life, or make you think "Ah what's the point?" Your outlook
is colored black by your current mood. You have no idea what great things
are in store for you over the rest of your life, so you have to give yourself
the time to live the life that you deserve.
Depression is a condition of extremes.
In America one of its most severe forms is called bi-polar disorder. The
term refers to the opposing poles of emotion - extreme happiness at end
and extreme misery or weariness at the other. In Britain the condition
is called manic depression because the opposites of mood appear like mania:
excessively happy one minute, and deeply depressed the next.
Stick with us.
I know there's a lot of information
here for you to digest. Please stay with us. Remember, you are precious.
You are irreplaceable. It's worth your effort.
Suicide is not a pretty
picture.
It's very easy to create a glamorized
view of suicide. You might imagine yourself being found, serene like you
fell asleep, a note explaining to your sobbing friends and family how you
couldn't take the pain and how sorry you are. You imagine you'll be missed
and there'll be tributes, but that's only half the picture when it comes
to suicide.
But it isn't like that. Suicide
is frequently gory. Violent suicides leave blood and worse to clean up.
It's traumatic, even for professionals to deal with. Less violent ones
still end up soiling themselves in death. That's right - you'll shit and
pee yourself. Sorry to be blunt, but you need to know the full picture.
This is not some scene from Romeo
and Juliet: it's life and it's not pretty. Your suicide scene will be forever
etched into the memory of those who find you. It's not a nice way to find
someone, and it's not a nice way to be found. Your life is too important
to throw away.
As for the aftermath, your friends
may hold memorials, but many of them will forever be tortured by guilt
and by questions. The newspapers will almost certainly not report your
death because they have a policy against publicizing suicide. Many families
are literally torn apart by the suicide of a child. The psychological reverberations
of your death will hit the lives of many people around you like an explosion,
and although they may continue to live, some of them may never, ever get
over it. In fact, you should face the possibility that your death may affect
people so profoundly that others may actually take their own lives as a
result. It's not uncommon.
Now I know that a guilt trip is
definitely not what you need when you're already feeling low, but you absolutely
need to realize that there are repercussions that extend far, far beyond
your own life. You also need to realize that there are almost certainly
people who love you, right now. And even if that's not true and you've
had a rough life, there are many people who care about you - many of them
you haven't even met yet. Also,
there are literally hundreds of
thousands of people in your country, who can love someone EXACTLY LIKE
YOU. You'll probably never meet them all, but you only need to meet one
or two to make your life incredible.
Dealing with suicidal thoughts
If you're feeling suicidal right
now, here's my advice to you. Get help. Get help right this minute. Don't
suffer in silence any longer. There's nothing noble about being a martyr
if you could easily have got help. Talk to somebody about your feelings.
Don't minimize the extent of your feelings. Tell people you're feeling
suicidal. You may feel sheepish or melodramatic about saying something.
Don't worry - this is normal. Talk to someone anyway. If your family is
part of the problem, speak to a friend or a school counselor or a friend's
parent. If there's no one you feel comfortable with in your own life, speak
to someone anonymously on the phone or over the web. There are many help-lines
out there and you'll be amazed how you are able to tell things to a stranger
that you could never tell to someone you know.
In some ways, not committing suicide
is like giving up smoking - all you have to do is get through the next
hour without doing it or lighting up, and each hour you do that, it becomes
fractionally easier, until eventually you find yourself wondering what
the problem was in the first place. Not committing suicide is about postponing
any action until your emotions regain sufficient resources to deal with
the source of the problem.
There are many ways that you can
distract yourself whilst your mood becomes a little more stable. The trouble
is, you may need to be firm with yourself in order to do them, and determination
is not in great abundance when you're feeling depressed and emotionally
drained. However, if you can do them, here are a few suggestions.
1.
Listen
to music.
Stay away from sad, meaningful, even romantic music. These all evoke emotions
that are particularly vulnerable in your depressed state. I recommend something
upbeat and positive.
2.
Dance
or play an instrument.
I know that in your negative state of mind, these are activities that are
far from your mind, however, sometimes the action determines the mood.
Put on a lively record that you can't resist dancing or playing to and
try to find the joy and rhythm that has always inspired you in the past.
3.
Force
yourself to do something for others.
Sometimes, putting the needs of others ahead of yourself is just what you
need. You often hear of bereaved families starting charities or doing good
works. It's therapeutic and it adds meaning to the cause of your misery.
It can also be very distracting.
After the immediate danger
has passed
Although you may have got past
the immediate danger, statistically, many completed suicides had considered
it on at least one previous occasion. That means that there may still be
a danger to you, and you need to be aware of that. One of the techniques
for dealing with depression is to set small achievable daily targets, and
take pleasure in their completion.
It's great to lie in bed in late,
but you need a reason to get up each and every day.
Perhaps a goal might be that you
will complete a computer game, or read a specific book, or finish your
homework early, or mow a few extra lawns to pay for a CD, or you'll do
a better job on your make up than you ever did before, or you won't have
seconds at dinner, or you'll say something nice to at least five people
during the day. There are so many different things, and only you'll know
what's meaningful to you.
If your suicidal feelings were initiated
by a short-term trauma, you may also find that when the trauma has passed,
or you are emotionally able to cope with that trauma better, that have
a sense of vacuum: that you almost crave the emotional turmoil that filled
you before. Although it was a very negative feeling, those depths of depression
were also a time when the other things in your life ceased to matter. The
daily trivia of your life became unimportant and in a sense you gained
a different sense of perspective on life. A similar thing happens to survivors
of accidents or severe illnesses. Your world view has shifted. This is
not necessarily a bad thing in itself. We do clutter up our lives with
far too much emotional trivia that weighs us down and distracts us from
having a good life. However, don't confuse that sense of perspective with
the negative emotions that helped you find it. You can still enjoy that
uncluttered clarity of purpose without needing to feel suicidal to get
it. In fact, if you apply it to your daily life, you might even find yourself
empowered in ways that never were until you moved close to the edge. You
might find yourself realizing what's important in life, and what was just
background noise. Use that knowledge. Turn it into something good. And
always remember, you are precious, and you can be loved.
>>>
SUPPORT AND OUTREACH TELEPHONE NUMBERS
For Survivors of Suicide call - 1-800-646-7322
The Hope Line Network - 1800 SUICIDE (784-2433)
If thinking of suicide call:
1-800-999-9999
NOW
or call Samaritan's Suicide Hotline at
212-673-3000 or look up a
local phone number in Suicide
Hotlines and PLEASE CALL NOW!
Get a free
e-book, Suicide, The Forever Decision,
by Paul Quinett, Ph.D. Go to http://www.qprinstitute.com
to download.
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