BEEN THERE, DONE THAT!
Emails from people
who have "been there, done that" - they have lost someone to suicide, have
thought of, or are
suicide. Emails from people enduring, or have endured bullying or have suffered
Other people's stories...
JANUARY - FEBRUARY 2000
Feb. 29, 2000 - Deanna says...
"When my son was 10 years old. I had sent him
to his room for a time out and when I found him He had a shoe string tied
around his neck. I was terrified and glad I stopped him. We
have been to counseling on a couple of occasions. So I feel so much
empathy for what you ... have been through. In the last year I've heard
of at least 3 suicides... We recently moved... He (my son) was the "new
kid" (at school) and some of the kids were horrible to him. He asked to
me to take him back to a professional counselor again. I could not ignore
that. We transferred (my son) out of (his school) and Back to (his old
school). He is a lot happier there. But no school is perfect.
...I want to see a change in the way Schools deal with Harassment of Any
kind. I will do whatever I can to help you and others to make this
change. Our children have a right to an education without having
to deal with harassment from their peers. If you have time please feel
free to email me. Let me know if I can help."
Feb. 29, 2000 - Connie says...
"Hi My son committed suicide Feb. 25th . He missed his
children so much and did not see any hope because he did not know where
they lived. ...I really have a hard time every morning I wake up and wish
I just had a bad dream. Then it hits me so hard. I have a son 25 and he's
700 miles away . I know he is not as troubled as Jason was but I am not
there for him. I am so sorry for you I know the loss you also feel. Thank
you for your time."
Feb. 28, 2000 - Christi says...
"I recently read the story of Jared and let me tell you
it hits home. On March 1 it will be one year that I lost my child hood
best friend, and although it was hard to get over I have done almost the
same things as you. I am in a community college and I have recently written
about my experience with suicide or losing a friend to suicide. This
was probably one of the hardest things to ever hear on the morning announcements
that my friend died, the biggest shock was when I found out how he died.
I know all the information I need to know but there's not a day that goes
by that I cant answer a question that has run through my head since day
one, or a day doesn't go by that I don't think about him.
Your story was great and I am so glad you wrote this and It hurts I know.
My prayers go out to those families and yours. Good Luck to you in the
future and I'd love to keep in touch with you over the years."
Feb. 28, 2000 - Mat says...
What an amazing tribute to your son JaredStory is. Enough
to make one cry, but bittersweet. The loss that prompted it lurks like
a stone in the pit of one's stomach, yet you've created such a positive
and wonderful website. ...We know so little about childhood suicide....
I think so many adults belittle the emotions of children, but I think that
they're the truest emotions of all because they're uncluttered by the distractions
and fluff of our lives. ...I commend you on the joyful focus of your site.
You have managed to celebrate Jared's life, without enmeshing the rest
of us in the lonely misery of his death. Don't think we don't feel the
loss anyway. We do. I see your lovely boy with his cats and I hug my own
little step-boys (2, 5 and 6). I have to hide my face so they won't see
the tears, and I daren't try to speak because I love them so much, and
it makes me so scared that anything will ever happen to them. I know I'm
hugging them too hard, but part of me is hugging your little boy ...It's
made me treasure my children (3 boys, 3 girls and a 16 year old adoptee)
so much. I must tell them every day how precious they are to me. ...I want
them to grow up strong, so that life never overwhelms them. I want them
to know that there's NOTHING they could ever do that would make me not
be there for them. I want them to know that their imperfections and mistakes
are just inconsequential sand-grains on the glorious beach of their lives.
...Your site so beautifully expresses all the subtle and myriad wonders
of Jared's boyhood. He was obviously a lively, vibrant child. He certainly
appears to epitomize all that's good and wholesome and innocent about boyhood.
...I'd like to offer you and your family my very deepest love. Hug. May
you find some moments of peace. BTW, please tell Sonja that her laughter
page is brilliant. I definitely agree, with Jack Handy; we should declare
war on Jupiter now... just in case! ;) I leave you now, sad for your immeasurable
loss; for the way that the entire planet has been diminished a little by
sweet Jared's passing. Yet your site offers hope and joy too. Good job."
Feb. 25, 2000 - Lynne says...
"I went to the new part of the site--it looks great. The
suggestions were so practical, so creative. Some of them really touched
me. My dad has had two strokes in the past nine months, the most recent
in January. He is a preacher and a carpenter, only 65 years old. ...The
last stroke has left him unable to work he told me this past weekend that
it was an effort to get out of his chair. He has made it clear to all of
us that he doesn't expect to be here much longer, has begun deeding property
to us, and getting his affairs in order. He has selected the next pastor
for the church he started and has started telling my mother how he wants
his memorial service to go. It is so hard for me to imagine not having
him around, he has always been the biggest man in my life: ...I was Daddy's
little girl. As I have talked with my brother and sisters about the situation,
I can't help but cry. At least I have been given some warning, though.
...I am blessed to have had the chance to say to him the things I want
and need to say--and I did, last weekend. Who knows, he may be around for
a very long time yet (one can always hope!) but regardless, it has been
important for me to be sure that he knows how I feel about him. Now I feel
a lot more peaceful about the whole situation."
Feb. 24, 2000 - Travis says...
"Hello. I'm a friend of Sonja's, ...Gregg told me about
this page and I was doing a school report about the subject and your page
about Jared was very inspirational. Thanks for all you effort."
Feb. 15, 2000 - J.D. says...
"Thank you for the suggestions.
My brother loved to play golf. We worked together at the golf course
during our summer breaks from school. I am going to plant an oak
tree at the local course. Thank again for the web site. It
has been almost two months now and things are beginning to get a little
Feb. 14, 2000 - Tammy says...
"Hello my name is Tammy. I lost my grandmother 7 months
ago. she took allot of pills. I think your web site shows a lot of courage
and love. It was put together very well. Good luck..."
Feb. 10, 2000 - Ilene says...
"I decided to snoop a little and see what yours looked
like. It's wonderful! I'm sure Jared would be very proud of
what you've done. I hope you're having a good year, so far, and that
it will only get better."
Feb. 5, 2000 - Ginger says...
"Hi there maybe I'm a bit lost... I was reading your web
site (which I must say was exquisitely done and beautifully written) but
I didn't see anything about your son's death. How it happened, or why?
never know" or go to
for some understanding on 'why'
Jared took his life.) It' sounds like he was a wonderful loving boy. I can't
even remember how I got to this web site. Any information you would have
to enlighten me is greatly appreciated, if not your privacy is respected.
Again, what a well written tactful web site, and I am sorry for your loss.
God bless you and your family."
Jan. 30, 2000 - Sherry says...
"I wanted to let you know that your
site is very special. I am so very sorry about Jared (he was very
handsome),- I have a son his age. I lost my baby brother to suicide
last August and it has been very hard coping, he was 35. Your website helps.
Jan. 16, 2000 - Gina says...
"Hello. I know I don't know you, and I don't really
know why i'm writing this, but I was just reading your page. I lost
one of my best friends, someone who I was very much in love with, last
May. His name was Jared too. He was the best person I've ever
met in my life. He did not commit suicide, he died in a tragic freak
accident, but the way he left doesn't nearly matter as much as all the
great things he did while he was here. I miss him so much everyday. I didn't realize I could cry this much. It has
been almost 8 months at the end of January, and it still feels like it
just happened yesterday. I still feel that pain. It also seems
like I was just with him, seeing his red hair and wonderful smile.
He had this wonderful way of making you feel so special just by looking
at you. Anyways, I often find myself pressing keyword: Jared, just to see if anyone has started a page about
him. That is how I found your page. I wanted to write a comment
on how to deal
with grief. I was scanning through profiles and found a girl
who lives far from me, who had written in loving memory of one of her friends.
Out of the blue I wrote her (kinda what im doing now.) and we started
talking about our friends who are in heaven now. We have made a very
good connection and help each other through the rough times when we get
sad. Its amazing how total strangers can help you out. Being
a teenager and losing someone you have known for 12 years is extremely
tough to deal with, but my online friend helps. It might sound strange,
but it helps me grieve and i thought you could add it to your list.
My Jared was only 16 when he died. I'm sure he's with
your Jared now. thanks for giving me the opportunity to
write this. I hope it helps someone out. Please write back
so i can know you got this. Thanks" (I'll
be adding your suggestion soon - thanks)
Jan. 15, 2000 - Chris says...
"Hello, my name is Chris Hansen
I am the Founder/Program coordinator for Helping Each-other And Reassuring
Teens (HEART) a pro-active teen suicide prevention program based out of
Lincoln Nebraska. We are holding a dinner/silent auction on January
23 to raise funding for the organization. One of our volunteers has
come up with an excellent idea to make those attending our dinner think
twice about how serious this subject really is.
We have put much thought into
it and have spoken with the Emcee's from the Yellow ribbon program and
they seem to think it is a wonderful idea. what we are planing on
doing is have a large paper cut out of a yellow heart at the entrance to
our dinner with pictures of teens who have committed suicide, including
a paragraph or so about each teen. We feel with actual
faces there it will make a bold
statement. In order for this project to be a success we are asking
for your help. We realize this is very short notice but if you could
send us a picture and a little bit about your lost loved one we can make
this a success and prevent other suicides. If you are interested
please mail items to : HEART -
7311 Grand Oaks Dr. -
Lincoln, NE 68516-4338 -
Thank you for your support.
Chris Hansen, HEART email@example.com
(Chris is involved in a worthy
cause - be sure and email him your support for his work)
Jan. 14, 2000 - Donna says...
"You have done a wonderful job on
this site! I can see that you have pored your heart and soul into
it. One thing I especially like about it is that it is so positive
and not just full of depressing statistics and incidents, etc. It
is beautiful. Reading through it caused those mixed feelings to resurface
and caused my tears to flow again, even though I never really knew Jared
very well. I just want you to know that I love and admire you and
your family for your great strength and love. Your first Thanksgiving
and Christmas without Jared, I would think to myself 'how will they be
able to get through the day without Jared there? How can they just
open presents? (etc.)' You get the idea. I see that in spite
of the pain, you have chosen to celebrate him and include him in your life
as best you can, rather than to try to 'get it behind you'. Ya-hoo!"
Jan. 13, 2000 - Brandy says...
"hi my name is brandy and i'm 17
and i have been on your website reading all your wonderful stories. as
i sat here and read i have cried. jared seemed like an amazing little boy.
some of your stories remind me of my little brother who is 14. my little
brother is a very adventurous boy. he loves animals and he likes 'inventing'
things. The story of jared and his cowboy boots is probably what hit me
the most... Our mother died 4 years ago and my brother is waiting to be
adopted by his aunt. he never knew much of our mother but i did. i remember
one year my mom actually had money and she took my brother and i out to
buy cowboy boots. my brother got his first pair and he was so proud of
them. he wore them till they had holes. My mom was never around. i was
adopt when i was six and my brother and i were split up before then, but
i know my real family. My mom was a homeless drug addict and she always
forgot our birthdays and never kept in touch. when she died i remembered
all the things about my mom and the cowboy thing stood out. i'm so sorry
about your loss. i can honestly say i know how it feels because i was the
one who looked out for my mom like she was my child. and it is the worst
pain i have ever felt in my hole life. but i thank god everyday for letting
me know her. and i wish i could have had the chance to have met your son.
because he seemed like a wonderful kid... i'm sorry to tell you my story
but just letting you know that i understand your pain." (Thank
you, Brandy, for sharing your story)
Jan. 13, 2000 - Rev. Lenzo says...
"What a beautiful honor you have bestowed upon your loving
son. I have counseled people who have lost their children to suicide and
have seen the pain and the questions that linger. Your site is a
testimonial of life in Jared's name and also is an beautiful expression
of healing. As with Jesus, through his death, Jared has become a
teacher to many. Go with God's blessings and angels."
Rev. Fran Lenzo
Jan. 7, 2000 - Lil says...
"Dear Jared's Mom & Dad: My
heart breaks for your loss. I don't know how I came about your page
here on the internet. I cannot begin to imagine your pain.
Jared was a precious child with I'm sure a bright future. You
must always wonder what was going through his troubled mind. You
and your family will be in my prayers tonight."
Jan. 4, 2000 - Dr. Dunne says...
"Mrs. High, I found your site just
terrific. I am editing the Spring issue of American Associations
of Suicidology "Surviving" and would like to include your list of 10
things for survivors to do. May we get your permission to copy
it from the web? Thanks, Ed Dunne (President-elect)." (permission
Jan. 1, 2000 - Sharon says...
"You really have quite an extensive
web site. You have put allot of work into it. Good job!
FROM THE PAST
2001 - JAN
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2000 - NOV 2000
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2000 - SEPT-OCT
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2000 - JUNE-AUG
2000 - JUNE
2000 - MAY
2000 - MAR
2000 - JAN-FEB
2000 - OCT-DEC
1999 - AUG-SEPT
1999 - JAN-JULY
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The books are recommended as a reference, not as medical advice.