Did you know that, according to the Utah State Health Department, suicide is the second leading cause of death in teens and it is the number one cause of death in males from the ages of 15 to 43 in our state? It is the second leading cause of death among college students in our country. People over 65 have a 50% higher suicide rate than the general population, with white males being most at risk. Twice as many females attempt killing themselves, but four times as many males succeed. These statistics were very surprising to me when I started researching the subject of suicide soon after our own son changed our lives forever by taking his own life.

Kasey was only 16 years old when he ended his own life last May, 2001. We were heart broken and shocked beyond belief. He told no one that he was feeling sad or that he was thinking of ending his own life. This is unusual because 80% of people contemplating suicide do tell someone.

Beginning with that very second in which we discovered what our son had done, the small- but- powerful three- lettered question, "Why?!", relentlessly echoing over and over in all of the minds of those that knew our son or heard about his death. Amazingly only 10 to 15% of all suicides leave a note behind and yes, he did leave us a very short note just saying "Don’t blame anyone but me." which gave us little comfort.

Kasey was a good young man who never drank alcohol or used drugs. However many people will drink or use drugs in an attempt to end the pain they feel inside as a way of self medicating . There was no "sudden" change in our son’s personality or appearance, nor did he give any of his possessions away. He went to school every day and was often on the honor roll. He participated in the usual things that a normal teen would participate in during the last few days of his life. Saturday night he went bowling with a friend. Sunday, along with his family he visited his grandparents and went to church after which he accompanied a church leader to visit a homebound elderly lady. Monday he helped his family plant flowers for the city and went out for ice cream; he fertilized our lawn. But on Tuesday, after school and dinner, while the rest of the family was away, he ended his own life.

Approximately two months after our son’s death I started out on a quest, beginning with a prayer, asking for help in finding the big piece to this puzzle. I wanted to learn everything I could, hoping that I might somehow be able to wrap my brain around this thing called "suicide" and get some understanding of what could have possibly caused my son to want to die. I realized that something must of cause him unbearable pain for him to have considered such a