Did you know that, according
to the Utah State Health Department, suicide is the second leading cause
of death in teens and it is the number one cause of death in males from
the ages of 15 to 43 in our state? It is the second leading cause of death
among college students in our country. People over 65 have a 50% higher
suicide rate than the general population, with white males being most at
risk. Twice as many females attempt killing themselves, but four times
as many males succeed. These statistics were very surprising to me when
I started researching the subject of suicide soon after our own son changed
our lives forever by taking his own life.
Kasey was only 16 years old when he
ended his own life last May, 2001. We were heart broken and shocked beyond
belief. He told no one that he was feeling sad or that he was thinking
of ending his own life. This is unusual because 80% of people contemplating
suicide do tell someone.
Beginning with that very second in
which we discovered what our son had done, the small- but- powerful three-
lettered question, "Why?!", relentlessly echoing over and over in all of
the minds of those that knew our son or heard about his death. Amazingly
only 10 to 15% of all suicides leave a note behind and yes, he did leave
us a very short note just saying "Don’t blame anyone but me." which gave
us little comfort.
Kasey was a good young man who never
drank alcohol or used drugs. However many people will drink or use drugs
in an attempt to end the pain they feel inside as a way of self medicating
. There was no "sudden" change in our son’s personality or appearance,
nor did he give any of his possessions away. He went to school every day
and was often on the honor roll. He participated in the usual things that
a normal teen would participate in during the last few days of his life.
Saturday night he went bowling with a friend. Sunday, along with his family
he visited his grandparents and went to church after which he accompanied
a church leader to visit a homebound elderly lady. Monday he helped his
family plant flowers for the city and went out for ice cream; he fertilized
our lawn. But on Tuesday, after school and dinner, while the rest of the
family was away, he ended his own life.
Approximately two months after our
son’s death I started out on a quest, beginning with a prayer, asking for
help in finding the big piece to this puzzle. I wanted to learn everything
I could, hoping that I might somehow be able to wrap my brain around this
thing called "suicide" and get some understanding of what could have possibly
caused my son to want to die. I realized that something must of cause him
unbearable pain for him to have considered such an option. Death is the
end result in suicide, but what suicide is really all about is PAIN: unbearable
pain and the desire of having an end to that pain!
It wasn’t long after I’d begun my research
that I received the answer as to the big piece of this puzzle. It was when
I began a search on the Internet that I found that "The #1 cause of suicide
is untreated depression." Right away I found a site, -- -- that
answered so many of the tortuous questions in my mind. Just reading the
first paragraph brought me such comfort and understanding. It reads:
"Why do people kill themselves?
Most of the time people who kill themselves are very sick with depression
or one of the other types of depressive illnesses, which occur when the
chemicals in a person's brain get out of balance or become disrupted in
some way. Healthy people do not kill themselves. A person who has depression
does not think like a typical person who is feeling good. Their illness
prevents them from being able to look forward to anything. They can only
think about now and have lost the ability to imagine into the future. Many
times they don't realize they are suffering from a treatable illness and
they feel they can't be helped. Seeking help may not even enter their mind.
They do not think of the people around them, family or friends, because
of their illness. They are consumed with emotional, and many times, physical
pain that becomes unbearable. They don't see any way out. They feel hopeless
and helpless. They don't want to die, but it's the only way they feel their
pain will end. It is a non-rational choice. Getting depression is involuntary
- no one asks for it, just like people don't ask to get cancer or diabetes.
But, we do know that depression is a treatable illness. That people can
feel good again!"Research has shown that a combination of antidepressant
medication along with psychotherapy {talk therapy} is the quickest, most
effective treatment.
There was a longer list of symptoms
in the sites on depression compared to the short list that I had read on
suicide and our son had many of these symptoms of depression. We just didn’t
know that someone who got up and went to school every day could be depressed
enough to kill himself but we have since learned that there are many different
types of depression. Some of the signs that our son had were subtle or
occurred over a long period of time which had us assuming that he was just
going through some teenage stages. Some of the bigger symptoms our son
had over the past 2 or 3 years was that he was often negative, irritable
and pessimistic and became more withdrawn socially.
When he past away he had some hard
rock music playing with lyrics in the music that talked of life being too
hard with too many rules and suggested "ending it all". As I’ve talked
to other parents of teen suicides and talked with the police department
I’ve learn that it is common for teens to have this kind of music playing
or in their possession when they end their own lives. Hard Rock music has
become worse over the years. We did not know that our son was buying this
kind of music, so I would suggest to parents to check out the kind of music
their teens are listen to. The words my shock you. Talk to your teens about
how powerful music can be for good or bad.
Another symptom is that there is quite
a bit of depression in my family line and some suicides. Along the same
family line, there was some postpartum depression and alcoholism, and a
great- grandfather and an uncle that completed suicide.
Other signs of depression are:
Previous suicides attempts, feeling angry most of the time, rebellious,
tired {this is one that teens have complained a lot about to me, they have
a hard time sleeping at night or they want to sleep all the time}, inability
to concentrate, change in personality, giving away possessions, lack of
self esteem, change in eating patterns {weight change or eating disorder},drawings
or music with death themes, sexual promiscuity, physical pain {such as;
headaches, stomachaches or backaches}, unusual sadness/discouragement/
loneliness, hostile or reckless behavior, neglect of personal appearance,
major loss {of loved one, home, loss through divorce, trauma, ending of
a romance}, running away from home or truancy from school, perfectionism,
restlessness, anxiety/stress, failing grades, addictions - pornography,
feeling unsafe at home or school {being bullied}. Ask yourself if you or
your loved one have any of these symptoms.
Since our son passing, I’ve wanted
to share the things that I’ve learned, hoping that it will be helpful to
someone else in preventing this from happening to other families. Losing
a loved one to suicide is incomprehensible to those who have never experienced
it! I have recently visited Kasey's High school, (with the help of the
PTA), and also the Jr. High school talking to the students about depression,
suicide and the prevention of suicide. We brought the Yellow Ribbon Suicide
Prevention Program to these schools. The schools staff, councilors, seminary
teachers, and student leaders all wore yellow ribbons indicating that they
are people who care about the students and they are people that students
can come to if they ever need to talk to someone or ask for help. The theme
of the Yellow Ribbon Program is "Its OK to ask -4- help!" If our son would
of asked for help he probably would still be here.
We handed out Yellow Ribbon cards so
that if ever students feel suicidal and don’t have the words to tell someone
all they have to do is take this card to a parent, counselor, teacher,
clergy, doctor or mature friend or just say: "I need to use my yellow ribbon".
On the other side of this card it tells the person receiving it what to
do; #1. Stay with the person {99% of all suicides occur when the person
is alone!} #2. Listen, really listen and take them seriously! #3. Get or
call help immediately! There is a hope line on the card if no other help
is available. It is 1-800-784-2433. If the person refuses to go with you
to get help or is aditated you may have to call 911. A police officer will
come and take the person to the hospital, where there is always a psychiatrist
on duty 24 hours a day and this will not go on the persons criminal record.
Parents please listen to your children
if they ask for help or tell you that they have some of these symptoms.
I’ve found that teens either won’t talk about their depression at all because
they fear they might be judged or not taken seriously, or they talk about
how awful they feel all of the time, desperate for help, but family and
friends think that they just want attention. What they really want and
need is someone to help them find the help they need to get out of this
pain that they are living with every day.
The road which ends in suicide is usually
a very long one. The process doesn’t happen over night. Any of the organs
in our body can become ill, such as our heart, lungs, kidneys, liver etc.
and of course we would seek medical attention. Our brain is just another
organ that can become ill and may need medication and therapy to help it
heal. Depression is the most common illness in all of medicine.
For more information on Kasey’s
story go to For
the Love of Kasey
To visit Kasey's Memorial
page go to http://www.jaredstory.com/kasey.html
To email Kasey's mom, Stacy, go
to Stacy
(Kasey's mom)
All written materials
on JaredStory.com are copyrighted - All rights reserved - Permission must
be granted by Kasey's mom to copy any of her written material.
About
Suicide
http://www.JaredStory.com/facts_fables.html
http://www.JaredStory.com/feeling_suicidal.html
http://www.JaredStory.com/garrett_smith.html
http://www.JaredStory.com/joshua.html
http://www.JaredStory.com/kasey.html
http://www.JaredStory.com/kasey_depression.html
http://www.JaredStory.com/kasey_theloveof.html
http://www.JaredStory.com/peale_sorrow.html
http://www.JaredStory.com/suicide.html
http://www.JaredStory.com/suicide_and_schools.html
http://www.JaredStory.com/suicide_info.html
http://www.JaredStory.com/suicide_triggers.html
http://www.JaredStory.com/teen_epidemic.html
