In the beginning God
created the heavens and the Earth. And the Earth was without form, and
void, and darkness was upon the face of the deep.
And Satan said, "It doesn't
get any better than this."
And God said, "Let there be
light," and there was light. And God said," Let the earth bring forth
grass, the herb yielding seed, and the fruit tree yielding fruit,"
and God saw that it was good.
And Satan said, "There
goes the neighborhood."
And God said, "Let us make
Man in our image, after our likeness, and let them have dominion over the
fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air and over the cattle, and
over all the Earth, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the
Earth." And so God created Man in his own image; male and female
created he them. And God looked upon Man and Woman and saw that they
were lean and fit.
And Satan said, "I know how
I can get back in this game."
And God populated the earth
with broccoli and cauliflower and spinach, green and yellow vegetables
of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.
And Satan created Fast Food's.
And the Greasy Spoon's brought forth the 99-cent double cheeseburger. And
Satan said to Man, "You want fries with that?" And Man said, "Make
them bigger!" And Man gained 5 pounds.
And God created the healthful
yogurt, that woman might keep her figure that man found so fair.
And Satan brought forth chocolate.
And Woman gained 5 pounds just looking at it.
And God said, "Try my crispy
And Satan brought forth a rich
creamy ice cream. And Woman gained 10 pounds.
And God said, "I have sent
thee heart-healthy vegetables and olive oil with which to cook them."
And Satan brought forth chicken-fried
steak so big it needed its own platter. And Man gained 10 pounds and his
bad cholesterol went through the roof.
And God brought forth running
shoes and Man resolved to lose those extra pounds.
And Satan brought forth cable
TV with remote control so Man would not have to toil to change channels
between ESPN and ESPN2. And Man gained another 20 pounds.
And God said, "You're running
up the score, Devil." And God brought forth the potato, a vegetable
naturally low in fat and brimming with nutrition.
And Satan peeled off the healthful
skin and sliced the starchy center into chips and deep-fat fried them.
And he created sour cream dip also. And Man clutched his remote control
and ate the potato chips swaddled in cholesterol. And Satan saw and said,
"It is good." And Man went into cardiac arrest.
And so God sighed and created
smart surgeons to do quadruple bypass surgery.