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Things to Ponder

ª If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?

ª Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

ª Can you be a closet claustrophobic?

ª If a stealth bomber crashes in the forest, will it make a sound?

ª When it rains, why donít sheep shrink?

ª If the cops arrest a mime, do they tell her she has the right to remain silent?

ª Why is the word abbreviation so long?

ª If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?

ª Do cemetery workers prefer the graveyard shift?

ª What do you do when you discover an endangered animal that eats only endangered plants?

ª Do hungry cows have ravin-iss appetites?

ª Is it possible to be totally partial?

ª What is another word for thesaurus?

ª When companies ship styrofoam, what do they pack it in?

ª Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?

ª How do you know when it's time to tune your bagpipe?

ª Why do they call it a TV set when you only get one?

ª Do radioactive cats have 18 lives?

ª What was the best thing before sliced bread?

ª Why are there braille signs on drive-up ATMs?

ª What is the speed of dark?

ª Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?

ª If it is zero degrees outside today and it's suppose to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?

ª Why do you press harder on a remote control when you know the battery is dead?

ª Since Americans throw rice at weddings, do Orientals throw hamburgers?

ª Why are they called buildings, when they're already finished? Shouldn't they be called builts?

ª Why do people without a watch look at their wrist when you ask them what time it is?

ª Why do you ask someone without a watch what time it is?

ª The light went out, but where to?

ª Why do banks charge you a "non-sufficient funds fee" on money they already know you donít have?

ª Does the reverse side have a reverse side?

ª If the universe is everything, and scientists say that the universe is expanding, what is it expanding into?

ª If you got into a taxi and the driver started driving backward, would the taxi driver end up owing you money?

ª If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it, do the other trees point and laugh?

ª Why is a carrot more orange than an orange?

ª When two airplanes almost collide, why do they call it a near miss? It sounds like a near hit to me!!

ª Do fish get cramps after eating?

ª Why are there 5 syllables in the word "monosyllabic?"

ª Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are in charge of everything outdoors?

ª Why do scientists call it research when looking for something new?

ª If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?

ª When I erase a word with a pencil, where does it go?

ª Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.

ª How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?

ª Why is lemon juice mostly artificial ingredients but dishwashing liquid contains real lemons?

ª Why buy a product that takes 2000 flushes to get rid of it?

ª Why do we wait until a pig is dead to "cure" it?

ª Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?

ª Why do we put suits in a garment bag and put garments in a suitcase?

ª Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

ª Do Roman paramedics refer to IV's as "4's"?

ª What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious?

ª Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

ª If man evolved from monkeys, why do we still have monkeys and apes?

ª Should you trust a stockbroker who's married to a travel agent?

ª Is boneless chicken considered an invertebrate?

ª I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

ª If all those psychics know winning lottery numbers, why are they still working?

ª Isn't the best way to save face to keep the lower part shut?

ª What hair color do they put on the drivers license of a bald man?

ª Can atheists get insurance for acts of God?

ª If FedEx and UPS were to merge, would they call it FED UP?

ª Does fuzzy logic tickle?

ª If they arrest the Energizer Bunny, would they charge it with battery?

ª If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with, "Quit while you're ahead?"

ª How much faith does it take to be an atheist?

ª If vegetable oil comes from vegetables, where does baby oil come from?

ª Okay, who stopped the payment on my reality check?

ª What do they call a coffee break at the Lipton Tea Company?

ª If a person with multiple personalities threatens, is that considered a hostage situation?

ª Whatever happened to preparations A through G?

ª After eating, do amphibians have to wait an hour before getting OUT of the water?

ª Why don't they just make mouse-flavored cat food?

ª Is it true that cannibals donít eat clowns because they taste funny?

ª If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?

ª Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

ª How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?

ª If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?

ª What happens if you are scared half to death twice?

ª Who is the general failure and why is he reading my hard disk?

 

WHO, WHAT, WHY QUESTIONS TO PONDER

 

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever the hell comes out!"

.

Who was the first person to say "See that chicken there?.. I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta it's butt"

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Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

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If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?

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Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?

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If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of coconut....why can't he fix a hole in a boat?

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Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?

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Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?

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Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!

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What do you call male ballerinas?

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If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

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If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?

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If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

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Is Disney World the only people trap operated by a mouse?

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Does the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

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Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet soup?

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Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?

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Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

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Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?

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Do you ever wonder why you gave me your e-mail address in the first place?

 

Most questions are by Sandy Dowden
 

Also - 
..
If a Vegetarian only eats vegetables, then what does a Humanitarian eat?
~A question by a foreign exchange student
 

>
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Farmer Joe Goes to Court

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About Depression

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