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Jared High |
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ª If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages? ª Would a fly without wings be called a walk? ª Can you be a closet claustrophobic? ª If a stealth bomber crashes in the forest, will it make a sound? ª When it rains, why don’t sheep shrink? ª If the cops arrest a mime, do they tell her she has the right to remain silent? ª Why is the word abbreviation so long? ª If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success? ª Do cemetery workers prefer the graveyard shift? ª What do you do when you discover an endangered animal that eats only endangered plants? ª Do hungry cows have ravin-iss appetites? ª Is it possible to be totally partial? ª What is another word for thesaurus? ª When companies ship styrofoam, what do they pack it in? ª Why is there an expiration date on sour cream? ª How do you know when it's time to tune your bagpipe? ª Why do they call it a TV set when you only get one? ª Do radioactive cats have 18 lives? ª What was the best thing before sliced bread? ª Why are there braille signs on drive-up ATMs? ª What is the speed of dark? ª Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak? ª If it is zero degrees outside today and it's suppose to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be? ª Why do you press harder on a remote control when you know the battery is dead? ª Since Americans throw rice at weddings, do Orientals throw hamburgers? ª Why are they called buildings, when they're already finished? Shouldn't they be called builts? ª Why do people without a watch look at their wrist when you ask them what time it is? ª Why do you ask someone without a watch what time it is? ª The light went out, but where to? ª Why do banks charge you a "non-sufficient funds fee" on money they already know you don’t have? ª Does the reverse side have a reverse side? ª If the universe is everything, and scientists say that the universe is expanding, what is it expanding into? ª If you got into a taxi and the driver started driving backward, would the taxi driver end up owing you money? ª If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it, do the other trees point and laugh? ª Why is a carrot more orange than an orange? ª When two airplanes almost collide, why do they call it a near miss? It sounds like a near hit to me!! ª Do fish get cramps after eating? ª Why are there 5 syllables in the word "monosyllabic?" ª Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are in charge of everything outdoors? ª Why do scientists call it research when looking for something new? ª If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat? ª When I erase a word with a pencil, where does it go? ª Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it. ª How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him? ª Why is lemon juice mostly artificial ingredients but dishwashing liquid contains real lemons? ª Why buy a product that takes 2000 flushes to get rid of it? ª Why do we wait until a pig is dead to "cure" it? ª Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them? ª Why do we put suits in a garment bag and put garments in a suitcase? ª Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle? ª Do Roman paramedics refer to IV's as "4's"? ª What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious? ª Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard? ª If man evolved from monkeys, why do we still have monkeys and apes? ª Should you trust a stockbroker who's married to a travel agent? ª Is boneless chicken considered an invertebrate? ª I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose. ª If all those psychics know winning lottery numbers, why are they still working? ª Isn't the best way to save face to keep the lower part shut? ª What hair color do they put on the drivers license of a bald man? ª Can atheists get insurance for acts of God? ª If FedEx and UPS were to merge, would they call it FED UP? ª Does fuzzy logic tickle? ª If they arrest the Energizer Bunny, would they charge it with battery? ª If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with, "Quit while you're ahead?" ª How much faith does it take to be an atheist? ª If vegetable oil comes from vegetables, where does baby oil come from? ª Okay, who stopped the payment on my reality check? ª What do they call a coffee break at the Lipton Tea Company? ª If a person with multiple personalities threatens, is that considered a hostage situation? ª Whatever happened to preparations A through G? ª After eating, do amphibians have to wait an hour before getting OUT of the water? ª Why don't they just make mouse-flavored cat food? ª Is it true that cannibals don’t eat clowns because they taste funny? ª If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too? ª Why do psychics have to ask you for your name? ª How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink? ª If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn? ª What happens if you are scared half to death twice? ª Who is the general failure and why is he reading my hard disk? .. |
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