Things to Ponder

ª If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?

ª Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

ª Can you be a closet claustrophobic?

ª If a stealth bomber crashes in the forest, will it make a sound?

ª When it rains, why donít sheep shrink?

ª If the cops arrest a mime, do they tell her she has the right to remain silent?

ª Why is the word abbreviation so long?

ª If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?

ª Do cemetery workers prefer the graveyard shift?

ª What do you do when you discover an endangered animal that eats only endangered plants?

ª Do hungry cows have ravin-iss appetites?

ª Is it possible to be totally partial?

ª What is another word for thesaurus?

ª When companies ship styrofoam, what do they pack it in?

ª Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?

ª How do you know when it's time to tune your bagpipe?

ª Why do they call it a TV set when you only get one?

ª Do radioactive cats have 18 lives?

ª What was the best thing before sliced bread?

ª Why are there braille signs on drive-up ATMs?

ª What is the speed of dark?

ª Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?

ª If it is zero degrees outside today and it's suppose to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?

ª Why do you press harder on a remote control when you know the battery is dead?

ª Since Americans throw rice at weddings, do Orientals throw hamburgers?

ª Why are they called buildings, when they're already finished? Shouldn't they be called builts?

ª Why do people without a watch look at their wrist when you ask them what time it is?

ª Why do you ask someone without a watch what time it is?

ª The light went out, but where to?

ª Why do banks charge you a "non-sufficient funds fee" on money they already know you donít have?

ª Does the reverse side have a reverse side?

ª If the universe is everything, and scientists say that the universe is expanding, what is it expanding into?

ª If you got into a taxi and the driver started driving backward, would the taxi driver end up owing you money?

ª If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it, do the other trees point and laugh?

ª Why is a carrot more orange than an orange?

ª When two airplanes almost collide, why do they call it a near miss? It sounds like a near hit to me!!

ª Do fish get cramps after eating?

ª Why are there 5 syllables in the word "monosyllabic?"

ª Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are in charge of everything outdoors?

ª Why do scientists call it research when looking for something new?

ª If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?

ª When I erase a word with a pencil, where does it go?

ª Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.

ª How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?

ª Why is lemon juice mostly artificial ingredients but dishwashing liquid contains real lemons?

ª Why buy a product that takes 2000 flushes to get rid of it?

ª Why do we wait until a pig is dead to "cure" it?

ª Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?

ª Why do we put suits in a garment bag and put garments in a suitcase?

ª Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

ª Do Roman paramedics refer to IV's as "4's"?

ª What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious?

ª Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

ª If man evolved from monkeys, why do we still have monkeys and apes?

ª Should you trust a stockbroker who's married to a travel agent?

ª Is boneless chicken considered an invertebrate?

ª I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

ª If all those psychics know winning lottery numbers, why are they still working?

ª Isn't the best way to save face to keep the lower part shut?

ª What hair color do they put on the drivers license of a bald man?

ª Can atheists get insurance for acts of God?

ª If FedEx and UPS were to merge, would they call it FED UP?

ª Does fuzzy logic tickle?

ª If they arrest the Energizer Bunny, would they charge it with battery?

ª If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with, "Quit while you're ahead?"

ª How much faith does it take to be an atheist?

ª If vegetable oil comes from vegetables, where does baby oil come from?

ª Okay, who stopped the payment on my reality check?

ª What do they call a coffee break at the Lipton Tea Company?

ª If a person with multiple personalities threatens, is that considered a hostage situation?

ª Whatever happened to preparations A through G?

ª After eating, do amphibians have to wait an hour before getting OUT of the water?

ª Why don't they just make mouse-flavored cat food?

ª Is it true that cannibals donít eat clowns because they taste funny?

ª If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?

ª Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

ª How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?

ª If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?

ª What happens if you are scared half to death twice?

ª Who is the general failure and why is he reading my hard disk?




Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever the hell comes out!"


Who was the first person to say "See that chicken there?.. I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta it's butt"


Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?


If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?


Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?


If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of coconut....why can't he fix a hole in a boat?


Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?


Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?


Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!


What do you call male ballerinas?


If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?


If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?


If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?


Is Disney World the only people trap operated by a mouse?


Does the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?


Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet soup?


Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?


Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?


Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?


Do you ever wonder why you gave me your e-mail address in the first place?


Most questions are by Sandy Dowden

Also - 
If a Vegetarian only eats vegetables, then what does a Humanitarian eat?
~A question by a foreign exchange student

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