Words of Wise-dom
¨ It's so simple to be
wise. Just think of something stupid and say the opposite.
¨ The surest sign that
intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that is has never
tried to contact us.
¨ If you love it let it
go. If it returns, keep it, if not hunt it down and kill it!
¨ Do a job badly enough
and you wont be asked to do it again.
¨ Eagles may soar, but
weasels aren't sucked into jet engines.
¨ If at first you donít
succeed, destroy the evidence that proves you tried.
¨ A conclusion is simply
the place where someone got tired of thinking.
¨ It takes a big man to
cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man.
¨ Over 48.7% of all statistics
¨ English is a funny language.
A fat chance and a slim chance are the same thing.
¨ I donít think so, therefore
I'm probably not.
¨ A real patriot is the
fellow who gets a parking ticket and rejoices that the system works.
¨ Thanks to the Interstate
Highway System, it is now possible to travel across the country from coast
to coast without seeing anything.
¨ If you invent something
that's idiot proof, they'll just invent a better idiot.
¨ No one is listening until
you make a mistake.
¨ For every action, there
is an equal and opposite criticism.
¨ He who hesitates is probably
¨ Never do card tricks
for the group you play poker with.
¨ Experience is something
you don't get until just after you need it.
¨ To succeed in politics,
it is often necessary to rise above your principles.
¨ The hardness of the butter
is proportional to the softness of the bread.
¨ The severity of the itch
is directly proportional to the reach.
¨ Two wrongs are only the
¨ A clear conscience is
usually the sign of a bad memory.
¨ Money can't buy love.
Get a new car for your spouse, it will be a great trade.
¨ Bills travel through
the mail at twice the speed of checks.
¨ Borrow money from pessimists,
they donít expect to get it back.
¨ Boycott shampoo! Demand
the REAL poo.
¨ Five out of four people
have trouble with fractions.
¨ War doesn't determine
who's right, just who's left.
¨ Budget: A method for
going broke mathematically.
¨ Always remember that
you are unique, just like everyone else.
¨ Everyone has a photographic
memory; it's just that some of them donít have film.
¨ To steal ideas from one
person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
¨ Shin: A device for finding
furniture in the dark.
¨ Be nice to your kids,
they'll choose your nursing home.