Words of Wise-dom

¨ It's so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid and say the opposite.

¨ The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that is has never tried to contact us.

¨ If you love it let it go. If it returns, keep it, if not hunt it down and kill it!

¨ Do a job badly enough and you wont be asked to do it again.

¨ Eagles may soar, but weasels aren't sucked into jet engines.

¨ If at first you donít succeed, destroy the evidence that proves you tried.

¨ A conclusion is simply the place where someone got tired of thinking.

¨ It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man.

¨ Over 48.7% of all statistics are useless.

¨ English is a funny language. A fat chance and a slim chance are the same thing.

¨ I donít think so, therefore I'm probably not.

¨ A real patriot is the fellow who gets a parking ticket and rejoices that the system works.

¨ Thanks to the Interstate Highway System, it is now possible to travel across the country from coast to coast without seeing anything.

¨ If you invent something that's idiot proof, they'll just invent a better idiot.

¨ No one is listening until you make a mistake.

¨ For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.

¨ He who hesitates is probably right.

¨ Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with.

¨ Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

¨ To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles.

¨ The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.

¨ The severity of the itch is directly proportional to the reach.

¨ Two wrongs are only the beginning.

¨ A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

¨ Money can't buy love. Get a new car for your spouse, it will be a great trade.

¨ Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.

¨ Borrow money from pessimists, they donít expect to get it back.

¨ Boycott shampoo! Demand the REAL poo.

¨ Five out of four people have trouble with fractions.

¨ War doesn't determine who's right, just who's left.

¨ Budget: A method for going broke mathematically.

¨ Always remember that you are unique, just like everyone else.

¨ Everyone has a photographic memory; it's just that some of them donít have film.

¨ To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

¨ Shin: A device for finding furniture in the dark.

¨ Be nice to your kids, they'll choose your nursing home. 



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Bullycide in America

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The Laughter Page

Church Humor

Deep Thoughts

Nerd vs. Jock

Things to Ponder

Words of Wise-dom


Funny PDF Files

Humor: It's Good Medicine

Courtroom Conversations

Making Fun of Exercise

Farmer Joe Goes to Court

Letter From an Arkansas Mom

Random Quotes - Rosebuds

The Bus - Word Play

About Depression

'Been There, Done That'

Jared's Life

Friends & Family


Keep the BALANCE in your life!


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